Right where you are
there is a miracle
awaiting you
within your own heart
and consciousness
in the sigh there is mercy and hope
for wisdom is within you a code to live by
not written with wordsor thoughts
published in your blood
streamthis inner river
holds the key
to your emancipation.at the point of the distress
is the answer.You hold the key to you
and though
it may appear otherwise
it is nevertheless true
so it is wonderfulto have an exciting life
to go placesbutyou are always within you
and within youis the miracle.

© .2010Stephen John KalinichAll Rights Reserved

 

 

 

I could just slip away
into the night
dissolve
and perhaps be gone
forever
whose lives I have touched
will miss me
I will become dust
It is all too brief
this earthly journey
we evaporate as we are being
formed
we dance before we fall
into that eternal sleep
where
we are not seen
by mortals
we know not of gods
with any certainty
so I say
live as best we can
take care of the day
attend to know
love now be kind now
do good now
if that is all we have
it is enough
it is glorious
that i live
and what i will become
i do not know but with grace
I accept
my present
unconditionally.
I do not need more.

Stephen John Kalinich composed on the spot sad but strikes me as true I have chills now as if it was opened up inside me like a voice speaking through this assemblage of flesh bones and spirit this emotional soul who knows no more than anyone else.

©Stephen John Kalinch

Inspired by Margaret Lane

 

Only
Can know sorrow and triumph
we pass through time
water poring out of a glass

Inspiration rears its head
always at our lowest point
if we will receive it
lights up the dark parts of the soul
leads one to new solutions
yield slowly
as your heart tells you to
each second passing
never judge yourself
only change course
when you are inwardly guided

only use your resources
for the benefit
of all beings

calmly face what irritates you
what you react to
that really disturbs you
throws you off center
how does your reaction
try to over take you

only you can initiate
the transformation
verses resonate within you
of an unsung chorus
a time that has not yet been
where peace and harmony reign
rule
govern
remain silent
only work with those
who inspire you
and are kind
you need
no more criticism correction
let them clean up
there own mess first
people who do not bring out
your highest qualities
are not worthy of your time
do not be a people fixer
a care taker
be kind to yourself
first
be happy within
and then move forward
only when you are moved
inspired

all saints will fall
all Thoughts will cease
and all will be known
these earthly
pursuits
will seem so trivial
when we feel
the glory
that is ours

yours is a fragile world
so much deceit
so much jealousy
resentment
Now is the day
of listening
for you are ignorant know nothing

today i wept for the world
but you dried my tears
and shared your living truths
that speak a silent language
hold on they say
your use
will become manifest
your reason for living
ghosts will no longer haunt you.
. I am
is all that remains.

societies since the beginning of time perish
one after another
what brings them down?
the earth groans
people become hateful
grace is
foreign to these souls
align yourself
with the angels
of this world
few and far between
not sought by mortals
l reduce my ambition
to touch hearts
at your bottom
help will come

healing

the Holy spirit
penetrates your dull sense
of the good
you
have arrived at the gate
light will break
into the dark chamber
of your soul
a light like
you have never witnessed
like the shimmer of translucent
colours on the canals of
Venice
italy
on a warm Italian
evening in 1986
going for a gelato
it strikes you cold
you shiver
as you experience
in your flesh
the resurrection
what Jesus felt like
when he was crucified
the nail is driven into you
you cry but the pain
turns into rejoicing
miracles occur
you emerge a new creature
in which
old things have passed away

mind can reveal nothing
earth has no hope
except in transformation
earth can reveal
all that you knew before
is unimportant
dangles for an instant
and is consumed
A new
kindness is shown to you

you have become
part of the sacrament
the blood and the body
you are renewed

You stand on mountains
you are truly alive
for the first time

a wonder fills you
that you have never known
personal sense vanishes
and spirit lives in you as you
you become the all
the river of Love
becomes your blood
and you triumph
over your adversity.

I take myself seriously
life is a serious Art
greed attacks the nervous system
and makes us lowly creatures
greed will leave us
wanting more
starving
for some hunger
that can never be filled
thirsting for cool waters
of living streams
unattainable
without radical rearranging
of perspective and motive

I feel the brush of skin
the rush of greatness
in my own breath
for that is where love resides
under all the problems
and anxieties
the one
that was there
before the stars
one that i could
collapse into
who heals all my diseases
rectifies my aberrations
restores my upright dignity
embraces me
and all who wait
who wait where
no one waits
in the corridors of space
in the frozen caves
of glaciers
long forgotten

it is the ever present
in the present
Unknown
yet dormant in all things
.
the all knowing
throbbing aliveness
since before the world
was formed
This
benevolent being
that is our natural inclination
each treacherous ordeal we face
can be overcome
muted
no illness
can withstand
the the Love
that melts indifference

wisdom is there
in each cell

yield slowly
even in uncertainty
face the rigid belied
the resistance
that blocks your forward thrust
Let lack
end there.
In Cornwall
friends dance
hold hands
around the fire

I have tasted the bitter
and the sweet
I have never seen the total glory
but I have felt its dance
experienced its surging in my members
tasted its urging in my bones
and deepest flesh
the foretaste
of its elation

to the oppressed
to the unfortunate
for sanity

to go to underworld
and wrestle
with the spirits of the possessed
and wicked
to witness
the victory in ones own self

is a mighty
soothing salve
a lotion for the soul
a tonic for the meek
strength for the weak
and crumbled
I we an us
bursting out of
a me
things turning
into grand ideas

I half walk
up the hill
look back
and see
how far we have come

always grandeur in front of me
new places to go
in consciousness
where what is
wanted
is good for all
to share
do this one thing it says
Be the bliss you seek
be the giving
give to life
do not beg
do not request or ask
for we stand among the miracles
Maybe today we will see the evidence
of grace
everywhere
and we will stop
pursuing
what can not be

you have the unique
abundant
first hand account
within your self

of creation
limitations fall away
and
uncovered
blessings will flow

I walk in illness
bare all burdens
through the love
that lets me be
that gives me sustenance
and breath
that shows me how
get there.
To the somewhere
over the rainbow

Tolerate only
what holds your thought in line
with your highest purpose
ask for nothing
expect nothing
life knows what you need
if you surrender
to the universal rhythm

against no man
for all souls everywhere
i proclaim
for everyone
for everything
I have received
I am grateful.

Listen to
one who says little but
loves silently
in action,
Judge no one
yesterday demands
today be better

Stephen John Kalinich
© 2010
Al Rights Reserved

A wonderful celebration. To a friend in Brighton,England. who wants to see a Shakespeare performance in LA by Ian McClellan. I would love that i were there  but alas I fly across oceans and continents to meet with my friends Paul and Ashley Adsett in Brighton where Shakespeare meets every and all actors In his Divine ever present magnificence cannot  the Adsett’s be here  and there in Brighton and Los angeles simultaneously if Kalinich could write this kind of poem that is the transporting of the self in multiple places the poem would be Born that can save each soul in this journey I ache for your loss but know that deep within you at a level you may only sense lies William Shakespeare himself, the Bible, the Gita and all poems and actions- and thoughts like this that sound like farce turn it to your heart and you will find it true you lie in all and all Ly’s in you. There is no day or night all is light without the Sun Darkness never runs there for they do not run nor do they stand or contemplate alone they live their drama and dream speak without a phone every melody and symphony recorded before time is there in the subtle and sublime source of all it is there on Brighton shores and in  the soul that pores  its pores opens doors withstands all pain to rise again. Where I go with this verse I cannot say it is having its own way i resist and do not obey for all is fluffy and soft like a dream and things are not always what they seem one must not scream from the madness and the plague there is sadness in the days that will one day pass there are secrets here hidden in the grass under a stone or rocky smile on the cliffs and oceans every inch and every mile there is  a presence we can barely behold whose story has never  been told unfolding in us all the ever present call the inner cry waiting for release does not want to die its plea and groan methinks could explode it is so fragile and so strong the only song ever written that creates all resides in each cell the infinite the tiny the small its there in every trip i take when i am asleep or awake in Binghamton New York Washington DC in Paul and Ashley all my friends across the sea SEA IN RICHARD Durrant strumming HIS GUITAR it is so close but it is as close as it is far it cannot be grasped or articulated yet without it we could not speak it is what we seek what we are the ever present rider the pen that moves the poem the spirit running through us even in our loneliness we are not alone we just think we are we cut ourselves off we strangle our sensations outlive all nations we have come to this cross road of the soul and certainly this life takes its toll tests our sensibilities nothing lasts nothing to hold or attach a match can burn it all but something within us is waiting to jump out what it is the world does not know but it is growing inside  of us and for all we know today could be the beginning of eternity or the realization that you are me and I am you so now what do we do do we stew in the juices or fight will we keep falling and failing until we get it right. That is the line of it today. Can we get out of our own way?   Stevie k Stephen John Kalinich Notes C.20o7 All Rights reserved C.2011 rewritten

 

A i read and study more and more the book

so so lovingly gave to me

that you edited

many things gradually jump out at me

and i have epiphanies moments of clarity.

One such moment is the dream

where the woman first sees someone old

then someone with Grey hair

and a more youthful face

and then someone with a very young face

and still gray hair.

the section is Signs of repentance

rejuvenate mother church “Hermas.

 

It is a wonderful different view

whether you are a catholic or an atheist

instead of growing old

one remains young in repentance

when one surrenders to the grace

and lets God or Love  live in him

as oppossed to aging

and growing older

one grows younger in grace and spirit

to me as one repents

and realizes a human

without Grace is flawed

and cannot bring about his own salvation

but needs humility

and life can grow sweeter

as one grows older

rather than having diminished capacities

spirit can form you anew

with vigor zest for life

and where as you felt hopeless

you may now feel hopeful

vital alive

for Love

is beginnging to live in your heart

and transforming you day by day.

It is very powerful this book

if one stays with it and i am receiving

many blssings.

Thank you Father Angelo.

I look forward to my verses  in Rome

and writing there

and finding an inexpensive nice place to stay.

Love

© Stephen John Kalinich 2011

I know there are Angels

You can feel them in your heart

They are the answer to your problems

when you feel torn apart

Listen very closely, hear them stirring deep inside

they turn the sadness into love

give it nowhere to hide.

 

I know there are Angels

When you are overwhelmed

When you are stressed out too much

they can turn the days around

Feel their healing Touch

in the Greatest challenge

On the darkest o lonely nights

They can comfort you

Let you know everything is alright.

 

I know there are Angels

you can feel them everywhere

 

though you do not see them

I know they are there.

In smiles on Children’s faces

the hope that shines in their eyes

I know there are Angels to be experienced and realised.

 

I know there are Angels

in the midst of crisis they give you comfort

and peace in all situations

they give you release

I know there are Angels

when you are troubled restless

Don’t know where to turn

when you are in pain

and your insides burn

your emotions are raw

and can find no relief

when you give up on life

and have no belief

there is an answer

when you are torn apart

I know there are Angels

you can feel them in your heart.

 

All of your sweet burdens will cease

I know there are Angels to give you release

they are here to protect you

you can find peace

whatever come at you

whatever knocks you down

I know there are Angels

Right here on the ground

so when your heart is heavy

and you need a lift

the angels surround you

they are a gift

 

I know I know I know

there are Angels

 

 

© .2010

Stephen John Kalinich

All Rights Reserved

 

You know, you know you are
Be still and know you are
Your life is meant for joy
It’s all so deep within, oh

Your life is beautiful
A seed becomes a tree
A mountain into a sky
This life is meant to be, oh

Now is the time life begins
Take that simple path
And love will set you free
Live in harmony
And love will set you free, oh

You know, you know you are
Be still and know you are
You know, you know you are
Be still and know you are

©.1968
Stephen John Kalinich

Wikipedia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUfoJIiOvvo

Beauty holds me in its hand
and hugs me more
than I thought possible
I am not alone
The spirit graces me and touches me every day
with gratitude
underneath the yearning is a peace with no name
that surpasses the senses
the source of all art and poetry
the creator of all
It caresses me.

© .2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

their flesh

with broken steps and gestures

with their lives and suffering

that live the poems

with a large swoop

scoop them up in a loose net

bring in all the poets

kiss them

love them

passionately

breath their intensity

ingest it into yourself

bring in all the poets

those that touch you

those that affect you

those who pound into you

make your heart beat fast

those who make your blood boil

bring in all the poets

that are just underneath the surface

on the edge

around the corner of your suppressed impulse

bring in all the poets

with your trumpet blow their brains out

with kindness

play with them

sing all aloud simultaneously

in the same movement

scream from the wounds of the earth

bring in all the poets

their verse makes you alive

awakens the music

that has been lying dormant

within you for centuries

that stirs the slush the muck the mud

that makes the tributaries and arteries

clog up impure

bring in all the poets

and together let them

mow down the oppressors the terrorist

who try to hold us all in check

who make us punch the time clock

who tell us what to think and feel

bring in all the poets

bring them fast

before it is too late

before the bomb is invented

that will eat the whole world up

bring in all the poets

who are all colors

who have been hidden

who can transform

and transcend

the limitation

this muted striving

look to the day

when their poem

will be loved lived and felt

when their need to express the poem

will be silenced

when the abundance

will be the orgasm the climax the oxygen

bring in all the poets

that will overtake the galaxy

the universe

when their stanzas

and rhymes

and couplets

will resonate from star to star

bring in all the poets

stretch and send them to

bangladesh to bosnia

to new york

to los angeles.

to europe

bring in all the poets

have a beer with them

or a glass of juice

share a sandwich

do not look for a resting

bring in all the poets

until you feel the winding down

the reverse

bring in all the poets

pull their words out of books and pages

pull them off

send them back to the poets’ pen and fingers

back inside his brain and extremities

send the verses back into his body

let him absorb them all at once

and start again

let him go back in time

become a child

go back further still into the womb

back inside his father before sperm

united with his mothers egg

let him go back further still

till beyond the beginning

bring in all the poets

until you are

the awareness of the one poet

the wild untamed land of the self

the unconscious where we all merge

and unite

cross and intersect

bring in all the poets

what can evolve

what can we become

bring in all the poets

on surfboards

in churches

and synagogues

in mosque’s

and train stations

in hindu and buddhist temples

bring in all the poets

all the rhythms

voices

sounds

pulverize them crush them

crumble their bones into ashes

put new wine into the vessels

route new blood in the veins

let them come up with a plan for peace

a way to

dissolve destruction

bring in all the poets

hang them out to dry

turn their pockets inside out

speak their poems out loud

record the percussion

the wind tones

the sheer force

of all the words

expanding

throbbing

bring in all the poets

the ones who hurl their poems

like a javelin

like a spear

like the shot

out of a bazooka

let them pierce you

with their loaded weapons

their images and thoughts

until you are healed

go into every crevice

every bloodstream

reverse their ignorance

stop them before they stop you

bring in all the poets

to the banquet

rejoice

shake

tremble

weep

dance the ecstatic galactic symphony

let it penetrate into every pain

every marrow

every cell

every tissue

until there is no one left

until there are no more wars

and there is no more hatred expressed

bring in all the poets

©.2010
Stephen John Kalinich

you are sometimes hungry

sometimes rich

sometimes your life is beautiful

sometimes it’s a bitch

you are the self

in search of itself

you are the one who helps

and needs help

you are the way

growing inside of me everyday

you are the path

you are the road

you are the one

ready to explode

you can’t keep it

inside anymore

you are the one

no one can ignore

you are the door

the link the key

that must restore

child

child of the world

you are the vision

the one born blind

the just the unjust

the wicked the kind

you need to unwind

you cannot be defined

child

child of the world

you are innocent

unformed wild

with outstretched arms

forming a smile

child

child of the world

you are the one who bleeds

 

the one who cries

 

blocked up inside

 

you are ready to rise

 

you work all day

 

to put food on the table

 

you belong to everyone and no one

 

you are so able

 

child

 

child of the world

 

 

 

you will stop destruction

 

hatred the war

 

you are the present

 

we are living for

 

you are the dreamer

 

you are the dream

 

you are the one

 

to silence the scream

 

the hope of tomorrow

 

the prayer of today

 

you are the path

 

you are the way

 

child

 

child of the world

 

 

 

bridge:

 

your hands

 

can shape the new world

 

new life

 

can touch your heart

 

you are the glue that holds us together

 

before we all fall apart

 

child

 

child of the world

 

 

 

you are the future

 

you want a radical change

 

you will make sense out of chaos

 

reunite the estranged

 

you will find a purpose

 

a reason a passion for living

 

make sense out of it all

 

you are the meaning of giving

 

child

 

child of the world

 

 

 

 

STEPHEN JOHN KALINICH

 

©2009

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Dip in the stillness
of inspiration
and
let the images fly forth
capture the energy
of the wind
against you
on these crisp cool mornings
Feel New York
in California
bathe in the experience
of just being present
for there
is more unwritten
than will ever be captured
in words and sounds
images and visions
and to hint at that
or to brush against that
is drawing
from the living
eternal spring of Grace
that allows us to be
and allows
every molecule
and element.
Non language jumps
out of language
goes back to its source
and poems emerge
symphonies
sculptures
paintings
healing art
and living forms
take shape
creation continue.
Witness God
through you
as you
as an expression
and be grateful to be alive

Caress what is difficult

From what you resist

and what disturbs you

the greatest lessons

can be learned.

From your detractors

and those who despise you

those who do not get you

Give them peace

Give them love

Do not be afraid of sadness

or mental pain

The are part of the purification

 

LOve

Stevie

© 2011

Follow the voice of the darkness until
it leads you to the brilliance
let heart felt inspiration guide the footsteps
all is joy
joy holds all sorrow
in its arms
speaks stillness
saying I love you
sadness falls away
kindles a music of the spheres
within you
sounds emerge
that no human ear has ever witnessed
the real echo of the forever soul
in flight
divination’s occur
experiences
all vanishes but the beauty
that never fades
the luminosity ignites the spirit
awakens UN connected windows
and
sheds false masks and coverings
the qualities
conjure up
dormant unused senses
that do not rely
on our usual modes of communication
Truth emerges in consciousness
without learning
as if some magic opened up
a vast reservoir of knowledge
inside our being
and it leaps out
in all directions
containing all secrets
all understanding
killing is no more
death is conquered
and only life is left
no jaded perceptions
cloud the clarity
of unobstructed vision
everything is a jewel
each moment a miracle
full of energy and unending life
i am yours
trust me
here is there
and there is here
every moment is this moment.
Your searching is over
Life begins…

Be Still…

© .2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

I thought I saw
the ghost of Wordsworth
last night
Dancing across the Lakes
I heard his voice
in the wind
sweeping over me
A cold chill
went up my spine
bringing me
to my knees
and my reality
for he is not just a poet
but a translator
of the Word
for he does not
write these metaphors
thee sweet cushions sound and cadence
these rhythmic waves
of ecstatic ever present light
but he snatches
them
right
out of the air
they hover
above the Lake
and when you linger
on the fells
these stanzas
take possession of you
get into you
under your skin
in your body and soul
you yearn to touch the flesh
and be touched
to touch the spirit
the Lakes hold mysteries
reveal secrets
never before told
of mans perfection
and primordial state
and mankind’s fall
his search in time
for what he has lost
for what he must create
The Lakes call out to him.
I thought
I saw the ghost
of Wordsworth last night.

© .2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

Written at the cottage of Wordsworth Trudi and Sting
In the presence of Keith Altham and Adelaide in 2008
Also at the Waverly

one could easily fall
into the rhythm of the stones
be lulled into inactivity
that crushes bones.

But one must act to survive
though one is ill
and has no will

to fight the onslaught
the inner and outer foes

there is something to be interspersed
within it all
that each soul knows
the accent

the hesitated speech
that does not
can not grasp or reach
that which it wants to say
that steps on its own tongue
hinders its own way

For besides those blocks we face
outside
are the ones we create
by our lack of patience
the inability to wait
for outcomes

Always trying
wanting to skew the deck
that sometimes leads life to shambles
makes one life a hell a wreck
of paths not traveled
roads not crossed
things that one always wanted to achieve
that now seems lost….

can one regain the years
or even an hour

or can one just start out
where one is
to reverse the power

take it back inside yourself
instead of looking for a rescuer
a magic wand
an elf
to take away your hurts and misdeeds

When one should do what one needs
to restore and resurrect
the forgotten ways of grace
that we so often neglect
If we do these simple deeds

take the humble vow
instead of putting it off
if we could do it now

what future joys it will bring
will stop and make the angels sing..
for you cannot put time upon a shelf
for god helps those most

who help themselves..
and all life celebrates the day

when each on of us
gets out of their own way..

© 2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

Grassmere Part Two

---

I am keenly aware
of all the violence, hatred and prejudice.
Many people
do not have humanitarian interest at heart.
Many people
do not recognize
this tendency within themselves.
They want to control.
They want to be Lords.
The only true souls
are those
that care not only for themselves
but for all beings.
In our successes
and search for fame
let us recognize
and touch the other
within us.
I see some of my friends
in music being afraid
to express real sentiment.
They are suspect.
They do not trust it.
It is a melodrama,
but we can not lose this innocence
We must fight for genuine kindness.
It is a key to our healing
as individuals, nations and a world.
Our TV and Films are full of reality shows – Whose reality?
Let us not just express
what is horrible.
A lot of it is bad.
Let us create
what we can become.
What we have the potential to transform
within ourselves
and make
the experience better
for all beings..
This is what a World of Peace
is about.
Planting seeds
for a new awakening.
Mankind is read to receive this.
Mankind is ready
to become more
than we have expressed as beings
up until now.
We must surrender
and be recharged.
Let me touch your creativity
with my own.
Let us not be creative misers
saving it for ourselves
Let us put it in the interest of humanity.
Let us encourage others
to express and create the aliveness
of their very being
so they can be more alive, more vital.
I will sing it from gas stations
as I pump the gas
From street corners
From my paper bags and shopping cart.
I will cry out for the world
PEACE!
Peace must be our destiny
Inner and outer peace.
We must not only give equal opportunity
but equal participation
and one abilities
should not be used
to so dominate
that we stifle other lives.
People waste their energy
trying to be trendy.
When you go through
all the harshness of life
when you are wounded
you need tenderness.
You need to not be afraid
to to feel genuine sincere caring
and love.
If it seems a little syrupy,
I understand your mistrust of it
but if it is
real and works
and allows you to survive,
why not let someone else
experience life that way
If it helps them
to live in this everyday World
and be a more effective,
compassionate being.
I ask you what is wrong with that?

© .2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

She touched me in stillness

no sounds could she hear

no stars could she see

yet she smiled as she walked

as if something within gave her eyes

gave her ears

gave her hope

and i who could see the morning sadness

the morning sunshine

the ripples in the gentle stream

hear the winds passion and grace

brushing the branches

of trees

did not see in life

as much as she

Could not hear the many silent voices.

© 2009

Stephen John Kalinich

 

I love you too.

I too am going through 

rough waters  

which forces me  

to live the poems  

and not just  

write them  

which is a great challenge. 

When it is dark 

when life feels oppressive 

when there seems  

no way out  

in the midst of tragedy

i surrender to Grace

to Divine love.

I find my peace

in the stillness.

It does not always work out

the  way I want it to

but it gives me more peace

as i  travel on this journey.

I have heard it said

the sign of mental health

is how we tolerate frustration

deal with our set backs

our disappointments.

So rather than say

to someone

it will all be OK

I say i turn it over to grace

to work it out

in its own way.

Which is difficult for some

but in my own life

until I surrender

to the grace

to God so to speak

nothing ever works out

or is right,

I only know

I love you

and i pray for you

and as a human

that is all I know.

However i believe

there is a peace

that comes to us

a way to navigate

through

the difficult waters

and I celebrate

the gifts of every day

Love

Stevie

©.2010

 

Stephen John Kalinich

All Rights Reserved

Feel free to share

as will I

I seek not fame

or fortune

but i did .

I know they are not solutions

but temporary fixes.

I seek the unshakeable

the mercy grace

and goodness .

Where others see destruction

i see hope and possibility 

I rise up 

from the ashes 

of this existence 

to create a lasting inner peace .

Beside the still creek

over the jagged rocks

and stones

i carve a niche 

in the divine.

I let go

off the weights

and stand naked

in the glory

of generosity of spirit.

I seek the grace

the unknowable 

thee tender

blessings

stephen john kalinich 

c 2021 

sjk

Every moment is
what you make it.
You put the blue
in blue Monday
as we all do
You put the light
into the darkness
Before the violent explosion
is the calm
as the energy is brewing
and building
after the final stanza
the last poem
has been written
The silence will over take everything
and we who were
are no more.

©Stephen John Kalinich 2010

industrious
imperceptible
snatches
of reality
flash by the screen
of my consciousness
and glimpses are revealed
of a truth so vast
it is impossible to grasp
in one gigantic gulp
or overview
This life is a dimly lit
barely open crack
of what is of
such overwhelming
magnitude
that
we are a whisper
of its word
an echo
of its voice
and all that is
is but a fraction of a fraction
of this
equation
that keeps changing
and rearranging itself
and as it grows
it keeps setting up
new configurations
you can feel it
but not explain it
killers hug and hustle
unfiltered debris
ready to devour
you
falsely accuse you
drop you into hell
heaven is an eye surgeon
that creates a new vision
and you think
you are doing it yourself
he just pulls away the layers
and what is already
in proportion and
itches to implodes and
enters
when
you are off guard
unprepared
naked
you better beware
Jesus is around the corner
in the shoe store
helping blind soldiers and deaf ballerinas
who do not
handle there self centeredness
they think they are dancing
but they are falling
and may never rise
just what can be given
to souls like these
I say
get out of the way
let the rivers flow
Every Where
is the answer
everywhere is the promise
everywhere is the deceiver
humans
if there are some left
must rally to the cause
Survival depends
upon you each one of you
and we can tip the scale
in the direction
of the Face
of the Grace
that encompasses
all.

© .2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserve

 

Tenderness and listening
are essential
for the creative act to occur.
This is what i believe-
Tortured souls
pass through our lives ;
and they can drag us down
if we are not aware
or alert.
We all get caught up in events
and circumstances
and we get swept into things.
There is no time for breath..
each day is a miracle of sorts
and definitely life is a gift.
Calmness is the seed
from which creativity springs for me
and stillness is the flower
and out of this
Oceans of inner waters
a feeling arrives
an impulse to share
to bring something forth
into the world.
A child of sorts an Art
no one can do it for us
but I find
the more one opens up to Grace
that all is a gift
the more one can create works
and live lives
that reach out
and touch others.
Cold icy nights in Europe
awakened my spirit
for a brief span of time.
Casual relationships
come and go
but true friendship
that turns into love
or that is love
lasts as long
as being lasts
We can not be to cautious
because if we are too guarded
we miss life
repel new expression
and experience
only to fall flat
on our face again
doing is the way
to learn for me.
I mountain climbed in New Zealand
did Rock sculpture in Japan
collaborated on paintings in UK
and Holland
and wrote my poems
on Canvas for charity
Each country
each city
a unique adventure
and a time
for quiet reflection
alone in my rooms
where ever I was.
…many different beds ,

The fact
that I am still alive
is a miracle.
Sometimes i just like to sit
and think
be at peace
goodness is attractive
in someone a way to be
a path that is not selfless..
help arrives from somewhere
and though we are alone
we are not alone
in some strange way..
We are trapped
in our own consciousness
and the only way
we ever break out
is through Art
or love
and more through living
and being love
than anything.
This is what I live for.
I am not after life
but I am after living.
Love to you
talking about
getting carried away …
sleep is what i need!!!
Wisdom is a treasure
and it comes from experience
when we look at the experience
and find the lesson
or the lesson reveals itself.
We are complex
magnificent
selfish
and sometimes selfless creatures
here on this planet
and yes we are still blossoming
in our own unique ways
but we have to water the plant .
We probably are complete
even though we feel
we are not
and life is letting go
of what is not essential
and chipping away the stone
around the sculpture
alone
or with someone special..
someone you trust
and care about
that brings out your highest
and best self
that does not make you
ugly or sour.
I agree with the philosophy
if ones believe in oneself
one is on the right road.
Every outward journey
is a journey
towards the self
a line
from one of my poems.
When the dust settles
life is glorious
most of the time
it feels awful
beyond description
when we lose a loved one
only the quiet comforts
at other times
we complicate it
by too much wanting
our own way
and not following the grace.
Wisdom comes in small doses
nothing is forgotten
each memory is forever
each dance a testament
that we still are life
with all its challenges
and pitfalls..
Only the striving must cease
and we must become quiet
for the true self to emerge
through the chaos
and perplexity.
Under the rock
there is a diamond
we have to polish it
and the diamond is us
each unique
when we find our own voice
it reveals itself to us
forward happens
we can not stop it…
dominion is our birthright
all is
only as real
as we make it
the thoughts we give power to
can shape
and sculpt our lives.
Blaming is a street
not to travel.
Let those who have wronged us go
and let our resentment go too.
Songs of the self
pour out of us
when our hearts sing
all is in the way
the notes are brought to life
and sound.
Now it is time for breakfast.

© Stephen John Kalinich

 

It is music to my heart and ears
Powerful images sweep through me
like a white Piano
in the rain
when the sun comes down
and shines on it.
Each second of your new life
is alive
New avenues to explore
A calmness enters your anguish
You can face the the daylight again
Use this moment
Look no further
For all resides within
Night follows day
Grace is the decision
to daringly yield
to the approaching challenges
before they arise
Life is the liberation
Life is the awe of an hour
spent in bliss
A walk on the bluffs
below the world
is a shimmering metaphor
of brilliant colours
shapes and sizes
all blending into
a symphonic panorama
a splendour
only the day
can echo the night
relive the now
in present participation
All of life works
with you
A child is born
within you
that you thought was lost
the intensity of time and space
halts the illness
stops the lingering muted pains
that constantly
play in your body
as tiny white daisies
reach
the melody swells
up inside of you
Today is a new day
And you can dance again
eternity touches this moment
with tiny fingers
nothing but kindness
lasts
the day is far spent
but it is not over
hope rearranges time
into the width of the now
The now opens wide
One can hear the angels singing
How is life possible?
Is it not the greatest miracle?
a victory
Life triumphs.
i rejoice with you
my sweet friend
life is sweet
The scent of
orange blossoms
leaves its aroma
inside of me
for just this second
I know all things
we have lived
before
we are naked
and a presence
feels our every mood
and sensitivity –
we throw away
our old Pajama’s
and wear a new gown
December has so quickly
become April
The days are falling fast
The only thrill
is now
We need not hurry
look at all the flowers
every variety
touching our eyes
believe in healing
In patience is the quest realized
it is right here
where we are…
In this beat between moments
joy uncovers
and cleanses
the stagnant air
and refreshes us
Release the constraints and confinement
We feel are holding us back
grace has save us
light ascends
rises up out of inner gifts
we sometimes take for granted
The first day of spring
just a few days ago
You are not alone
the intimate wind
Kisses your lips
caresses your body
your trembling breast
that once felt fear
again feel the life and vitality
swimming in your bloodstream
Make the most of each year!!
Celebrate each day.
Whisper to yourself

I am not a finished work
I am becoming
all will be known
yesterday is gone
we are living …..
You are a marvel
Always know
someone loves you
that you do not see
closer than your flesh to you
Just when sorrow
wants you to surrender
own your life
Follow
the road in front of you
Stay at the wheel
The pavement will be smooth again
and you will have tools
to deal with the new situations
that arise
A dream has come alive
You have been daring
through the disturbances
of your soul
Help is on the way
…the arrow points West
As you rest in the green fields
far from home
From Irish shores and storms
and I’m looking into your heart
forever is one moment
at a time
what we encounter and survive
reveal our path
what we make out of the chaos
is up to us
and as you said
Where there is a will
there is a way
and i found the way
well walk that way today
the way that you have found
There will be snows but bundle up
for one watches over you
each step of your journey
invisible hidden in the grass
in the snow
all around you
and within you
the source of all harmony
and music
for what is music
but the song of life expressing itself
through us
The longing of the heart
for comfort and peace
From Detroit to Los Angeles
From Brighton to the battlefields of Somme
You are one might warrior my friend.

©.2008
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

Every outward journey  

is a journey towards the self  

a line from one of my poems.
When the dust settles  

life is glorious  

most of the time  

and we complicate it 

by too much wanting our own way  

and not following the grace.
Wisdom comes in small doses  

nothing is forgotten
each memory is forever
each dance

a testament

that we still are life

with all its challenges and pitfalls..
Only the  striving must cease

and we must become quiet

for the true self to emerge

through the chaos and perplexity.
Under the rock

there is a diamond

we have to polish it

and the diamond is us

each unique

when we find our own voice

it reveals itself to us
forward happens

we can not stop it…

dominion is our birthright
all is  only as real

as we make it

the thoughts we give power to

can shape and sculpt our lives.

Blaming is a street not to travel.

Let those who have wronged us go

and let our resentment go too.
Songs of the self pour out of us
when our hearts sing
all is in the way

the notes are brought to life and sound.
Now it is time for living.

 

Love

Stevie

Kindness
Stephen

©2011

with a thin veneer

of civilization that sits on top

of this vast disorganized interior

that by a certain provocation

instinctively becomes a predator

in its biological urge

toward its own survival.

In this state

there is no recognition

of other or others-

 

It is through recognition of others

that a new man or woman

can be born within

the old biological reactive man.

This is the emergence

of progress

toward becoming

a glorious being.

To me the closest teachings

to embody this

or demonstrate this

is not a Church or a religion

but in living

the words of the Jesus

the Christ and other teachers of love.

These love teachings

grasped and lived

have the potential

to reform the lowest of beings

and restore the vitality

and freshness

of a new alive creature

A being of light

aware of others

and not just  intent

on its own survival.

 

Can a new being

a new man

a new woman exist within us

as individuals

or within a group structure

a community?

 

This is a big question.

I do not as yet

have the correct indication

or answer.

Can I an aging

diabetic diseased person

be healed

transformed

saved

or is it only downward and darkness?

 

©2011

Stephen John Kalinich

Al Rights Reserved

Laughter is an unwritten poem
A child’s first touch of joy.
A smile within a wounded world.
Certainly the world has grown too serious
We need laughter
to bring us
closer to each other.
Laughter as a voice against our sorrow
Laughter as a voice against our heartache
Laughter as a voice of hope
That carries us into other hearts.
Laughter as the appreciation
of simple childhood days
When all the earth
lay before us
Like an open road
Echoes of laughter
From the winter’s wind
of our youth
We need laughter in our world
If we are to survive.

© Stephen John Kalinich  2011

I love to go to the Stillness

and I love Movies

at home

or better yet on the Big Screen

alone

with no one

I know around

in the dark atmosphere

and i soak in the Alpha rays

and the cinema captures me

takes me out of my problems

for a few hours

lifts me into another realm

and if the film is good

even more so.

When I come out

usually I am purged

restored inwardly

more still and rested

and even if the content is not the greatest

I in most situations derive benefit from Celluloid Film and even video.

I also love doing videos

like Galactic

performing on film.

Movies a magic world for me.

I steal away mid day

and no one knows but me.

I also love walks at the Ocean

and walking anywhere

feeling myself

moving through space

and grateful to be alive

and grateful for my friends.

Love

©Stevie

©2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

There is a loneliness
you can not share
that does not go away
its symphony
is muted pain
like the hush
of a trumpet
underneath everything it sits
in the dark
that no one faces.
A place no one can go to
in you
that you can no describe
where you find no comfort
where what you might say
is muffled
never can be articulated
in the body
beyond the soul.
This land
where no one exists.

© Stephen John Kalinich 2010

 

Look at what is in front of you.
Not what you desire
not what you want
but what spirit tells you to do
and take the steps
and I believe miracles will occur.
We can not wait to be happy
when
things change
we have to change inwardly
and we will see the evidence.

© 2010
Stephen John Kalinich

 

I know we are all mortal
Sometimes I think
the root of all unhappiness
is the self
because the more we give
and express generosity
of spirit
and think of others
in a genuine
the better we feel
When i think of all i lack
I feel empty
when i think of others
when i sit
with a sick
and dying friend
I feel better
Right now I wonder
what part I play in my own disease
and sadness
What I might change inwardly
to make this life more bearable
i have tasted death
and horror
and some of the bliss.
I want to live
but it feels like
life has not begun
and I am almost gone
What can i do
how
can i continue?
can i escape the madness
and what do i create
in my situation?
What can I give to the world?

Morning journal

©2010 Stephen John Kalinich

 

 

Happiness is possible in this life

if we open up to it

it does not come from doing or pursuing

achieving or recognition

it comes always from Grace

from Divine love

a voice ever  subtle and gentle

whispers to the heart

today is the day to rejoice

for we are glorious spiritual ideas

in

 

this elegant concerto

of life

we dance in and out

of each others site

years pass

but love is always there

So may tenderness fill your days

have patience with yourself

You are blessed

victory is in the little

every day things

the gradual over comings

Kindness aligns itself

with knowing

inspiration is our birth right

calmness is our center.

 

 

May you be well and happy in 2011

and always.

Peace

Stephen

 

© 2010

SJK

 

ALL BATTLES HAVE BEEN FOUGHT

THE WATERS OF THE OCEAN

BECOME BLOOD

RISE UP OUT OF THEIR WETNESS

EVAPORATE.

THE CENTURIES MOW DOWN

THE HUMBLE

THE MEEK

THE PROUD AND THE STRONG

ALL BECOME ONE

IN THIS MIGHTY BATH

WHERE NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS.

WHERE WHAT IS-

IS NOT.

DO YOU CATCH AN ECHO

OF THE MARVELOUS

THE GRAND ELOQUENT

IN YOUR VEINS

IN THE PART OF YOU

THAT NO LONGER

NEEDS TO CARE

ABOUT SECURITY

OR MATTERS

OF THE EARTH.

 

DOES GOD

HEAR ME CRYING?

DOES SHE CARE?

I WHO AM

SO INSIGNIFICANT.

A TINY SPECK

IN THE VAST ARRAY

OF POSSIBILITIES.

 

BEAUTY IS

THE UNKNOWN COMPANION

WHO IS ALWAYS

JUST BEYOND MY REACH.

THAT WHICH MY VISION CATCHES

BUT MY HEART AND HANDS CANNOT.

BEAUTY THE ONE WHO ESCAPES ME.

A TEASE.

THAT WHICH

I NEVER ATTAIN.

ITS PROMISE

IS ONE THAT CANNOT

BE FULFILLED

AND ONCE APPARENTLY REALIZED

IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVES

INTO THE MEDIOCRE.

IT IS A PASSION

THAT DOES NOT REMAIN CONSTANT.

IT APPEARS

DISAPPEARS

LEAVES MY HEART OPEN

VULNERABLE.

IS THERE A PRESENCE

THAT IS CONCERNED

ABOUT ME

IN THE UNIVERSE?

A PERSON

WHO WANTS TO HELP-

TO HEAL?

IS THERE A FORCE

THAT EVEN KNOWS

IF I EXIST.

 

SO RATHER THAN FLY

INTO HOPES

OPEN ARMS

I RELINQUISH ALL.

I EXPECT NOTHING.

I AM GRATEFUL

FOR EVERYTHING.

BECAUSE

MOST OF THE GOOD THINGS

PASS ME BYE.

SECURITY IS A ROBBER

BECAUSE

IT IS

AN IMPOSSIBILITY-

AN ILLUSION.

 

A METEORITE

CAN DASH OUT THE SKY

AND CRUSH ME.

BLOT ME OUT

IN AN INSTANT.

IS THERE ANY BACK DOOR?

ANY PLACE TO GO

FOR COMFORT

OR HELP?

OR IS MY LOT

THAT OF A SOUL

LOST FROM CONCEPTION?

ALL THIS

THAT COMES FLYING AT ME

EVERY DAY.

THIS BOMBARDMENT

THAT NEVER SLOWS

OR COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT.

THESE WINDS

TIMES

AND TURMOIL’S.

THESE COLDS

AND STUFFED UP NOSES.

FRESHLY LIT

WITH WHITE POWDER.

THESE IMAX IMAGES

IN OUTER SPACE.

THIS MUSIC

THAT SO SELDOM PLAYS.

 

THERE IS MOSTLY

THE LONELY-

THE QUIET-

THE DARK-

THE SOUNDLESS

WITH A FEW SPLASHES

OF MOVEMENT

AGAINST A PULSAR OF NOTHINGNESS.

STARLESS INFINITIES

OF GALACTIC DUST.

TIME CREEPS ONWARD

OR SO IT SEEMS

ERASING ALL OF US.

WE WHO WERE

AND ARE

DISSOLVE

ARE NO MORE-

NOT EVEN MEMORY.

WE WHO WERE SO CERTAIN

SO SURE.

IS LOVE AN ASSAULT?

IS LOVE THE ULTIMATE

DELUSION?

THE IMPOSSIBLE

THAT WE SEARCH FOR

BUT NEVER GRASP?

IS LOVE THE PROMISE

OF WHAT

CAN NEVER LAST?

ALL THINGS FADE IN TIME

AND DISINTEGRATE-

IF THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TIME.

WHAT IS LEFT

TO REFORMULATE A WORLD?

 

THROW YOURSELF

INTO THE NIGHT

DANCE WITH SOLAR SYSTEM.

YOU WHO HEAD

FOR NO DESTINATION-

YOU WHO SPIRAL

OUT OF CONTROL

AS ALL THE MATTER

FLIES OUT OFF OF YOU

AND YOU LIE NAKED

EXPOSED.

WHERE DO YOU EXIST?

WHERE DO YOU OCCUPY VOLUME

DEPTH

DIMENSION?

WHERE DOES BLOOD

ENTER YOU?

OR DO YOU COME

EQUIPPED WITH IT?

 

BEFORE ME

ALL IS DARKNESS

AFTER ME THERE IS

NO IDENTITY

NO DISTINGUISHING MARK-

NO TRACE OF MOLECULE

OR MICROBE.

I CAN KNOW

NO ONE BETTER

THAN MY SELF

THAT HANGS

ON THE BORDER-

ON THE EDGE

OR PRECIPICE

OF I

I I.

WHEN I LOVE

I LOVE

THAT PART

OF THE SELF

THAT AROUSES

WITHIN ME.

HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL

MORE ALIVE

AND AWAKE

THAN THE OTHER-

THAN THE LURKING ONE

IN THE SHADOW.

I AM ALONE.

WE ARE ALL ALONE.

YOU KNOW IT.

ALL ELSE IS PERCEPTION.

THAT IS THE RIDDLE

OF THE UNIVERSE.

 

ALL THAT APPEARS

TO BE IS NOT.

MY CONSCIOUSNESS

CONTRIBUTES AND CONSTRUCTS

ALL COLORS-

ALL SMELLS-

ALL SOUNDS.

SOUND IS THE VIBRATION

WITHIN ME

COLOR IS A MAP

THAT SINGS

ITS OWN SONG-

MAKES ITS OWN MELODY.

ALL THAT I AM

VANISHES.

ALL MOMENTS EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY.

TIME IS A WAY

TO VIEW LIFE.

A BREAKING DOWN OF ETERNITY

INTO ACCEPTABLE CHUNKS.

I AM NOT WHAT I THINK I AM.

YOU ARE NOT

WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE.

I AM MY OWN ANSWER.

I AM MY OWN LIVES WORK.

THE PAINTER

AND SCULPTOR

OF MY SOUL.

I WEAR MANY MASKS-

MANY DISGUISES.

BUT ALL IS I

EXPLODING

AND IMPLODING

FORMING NEW QUASARS

AND THEY ARE ALL ME.

THEY GO ON AND ON

PAST RECONCILIATION-

BEYOND REDEMPTION.

I DO NOT LOOK FOR PEACE

FOR RELEASE-

FOR SALVATION.

FOR ALL

IS MOVING CHAOS.

EVERY SECOND IS A CELEBRATION.

A DANCE

OF THE SYMPATHIES

THAT ARRANGE THEMSELVES

INTO SHAPES AND FORMS

BECOME THINGS-

THE FLIGHT

OF PELICANS

AND CONDORS.

THERE IS NO WAY

TO SPEED UP

THIS JOURNEY.

YET I AM THE NEEDED ARTICULATION.

THE LINK

BETWEEN NOTHINGNESS

AND TIME.

THE GEL

THAT HOLDS

THOUGHTS AND CONSCIOUS

AWAKENING TOGETHER.

I AM ALL THERE IS.

YOU ARE I.

EXPANSIVE

LARGER

IMMEDIATE.

THE WINTER WANTS ME.

THE LEAVES NEED ME.

THE BREEZE

CONVEYS THE MOMENTUM

OF MY SILENCE.

I AM STILLNESS

THAT LIVES

THROUGH EVERYTHING.

ALL EXISTS FOR ME.

THAT IS THE MEANING.

THE DESTINY.

THE PURPOSE

OF THE PAIN

OF EVERY WOUND AND HURT.

I AM THAT WOUNDED CHILD

ON THE STREET.

I AM THE HUNGRY REFUGEE.

I DIED ON SEPTEMBER 11th.

I WHO AM ALIVE NOW

FIND THE DEAD WITHIN MYSELF.

ALL THE HEARTS

THAT HAVE STOPPED BEATING.

THEIR PULSE

IS NOT ONLY HEARABLE

AND FEELABLE

BUT IT WAS NOT TAKEN AWAY

BUT ONLY UNABLE

TO RECOGNIZE

ITS ASSEMBLAGE.

ITS EVAPORATION

INTO THE ELEMENTS-

THE BUILDING BLOCKS

OF WHAT IS CALLED CREATION

WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY

REARRANGEMENT OF WHAT IS.

MAKING THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE.

WHAT IS NOT

INTO WHAT IS

THAT BECOMES

WHAT IS NOT

AND NOT KNOW

IT IS SOMETHING

OR A VOID.

I MOURN THE LOSS

I REDEDICATE

TO THE CONVICTION.

GOOD WILL RISE AGAIN

LIFE WILL NOT BE ANNIHILATED.

 

THESE VOICES THAT CRY

FROM BUILDINGS

ARE ALL CRYING OUT

TO ME.

I AM TOO WRAPPED UP

IN THE BELIEF

I AM GOING SOMEWHERE.

THAT I AM DOING SOMETHING.

THAT I HAVE

A DESTINATION

OR A GOAL.

WHEN I SHOULD JUST STOP COLD-

DEAD IN MY OWN FOOTPRINTS.

WHERE AM I ANYWAY?

I STAND IN TRUTH.

ALL MOVEMENT IS DECEPTION.

A BLANKET

STUFFED OVER

AN EMPTINESS.

THERE IS NOTHING

BEYOND

WHAT I SEE-

BEYOND WHAT IS HERE.

I HAVE TO SEE IT

CORRECTLY.

THIS NOW

IS WHAT I MUST EXPERIENCE.

IT IS ITS OWN MEANING.

THIS IS WHAT IS GRASPABLE.

ALL ELSE IS FUTILE.

THE WOUNDS OF CHANGE

RUSTLE THE AMBIGUITIES

REFRESH OLD WOUNDS

MAKE THEM RIPE

FOR HEALING.

THERE IS NO CRESCENDO

NO DENOUEMENT.

IT IS ALL NOW.

I CANNOT

DELAY LIFE ANY LONGER.

IT IS NOW

THAT THE WORLD

MUST BECOME

AND BE ALIVE.

IS THAT TOO IMMENSE

FOR ME TO ABSORB?

I SPEND MY DAYS

CHASING DOLLARS AND POWER-

TO MAKE MYSELF

FEEL MORE REAL-

MORE FORMIDABLE

BUT NO ONE

CAN MAKE ME SIGNIFICANT.

I AM A CANDLE

EASILY BLOWN OUT.

PERHAPS

I AM

A DIVINE ACCIDENT.

WHOSE PURPOSE

IS TO CREATE PURPOSE

NOT TO FIND IT.

TO ARRIVE AT IT

THROUGH MY OWN EFFORT

OR LACK OF IT.

I AM NOBLE

GRAND

LIGHT.

I AM THE WEIGHT

OF EVERYTHING.

ALL FITS INTO

THE HEAD OF A PIN.

GONE IN A FRACTION OF A SECOND.

TIME IS SWALLOWED UP-

GULPED DOWN

LIKE A REFILL AT MCDONALDS.

I AM A DIET COKE

WITH LEMON-

A CHOCOLATE BAR

WITH ALMONDS.

WILL THESE THOUGHTS

EVER LEAVE ME?

WILL I NOT WEAR THEM

AS A GARMENT.

SEE THEM

AS A DISORGANIZED SEA

OF FLOATING

PIECES

OF A PUZZLE.

A PUZZLE

THAT WILL NEVER

BE PUT TOGETHER.

THEREIN LIES THE BEAUTY.

IS THEIR ROOM FOR MYSELF

WITHIN ME?

I CELEBRATE MY PAIN.

IT IS THE LINCHPIN

TO MY VICTORY.

EVERYONE IS A WINNER.

EVERY NAME IS FOREVER.

EVERY SOUND IS ETERNAL

SPEAKS OF PEACE AND LAUGHTER.

IT IS ALL.

IN MY DESPAIR

MY HAPPINESS LIES

HIDDEN IN MY DARKNESS.

WHAT IS THIS BROKEN HEART

I CARRY ON MY SLEEVE?

WHAT IS THIS HEAVINESS

I DRAG AROUND WITH ME?

I WILL NOT CARRY IT

ONE SECOND LONGER.

I SING THE SILENCE.

THE WORDLESS POEM.

I LIVE.

I AM THE LOSER.

I AM THE CHAMPION.

THE CHALLENGER.

THE OPPONENT.

I CANNOT STAND HERE.

STOP AT ONE LOCATION-

NO RESTING ZONE.

ONLY THE DANCE-

ONLY THE FLIGHT-

ONLY THE JOURNEY.

HEAR THOSE SOULS SINGING.

“DO NOT WEEP FOR ME”

CRYING FROM THE HOLOCAUST-

FROM THE CRUSADES-

FROM THE FRENCH REVOLUTION-

FROM THE DAYS OF CAESAR-

FROM THE HILLS OF GALILEE.

ALL THESE LITTLE ONES

SLAUGHTERED

IN THE NAME OF A GOD

WHO IS NOT POSSIBLE.

I THE LIVING

AM THE DEAD.

NO VOICE MISSING.

ALL VOICES ARE HEARD

NO MATTER

HOW FAINTLY-

NONE ARE FORGOTTEN

BY THE ALL.

WHAT WAS THE CAUSE?

WHAT WAS THE WAR?

WHO IS THE ENEMY?

WHO IS THE VICTOR?

SAND PILES UP

EONS PASS.

I DO NOT LEARN

THE LESSONS

WRITTEN

IN EVERY SUNRISE

EVERY EARLY DEMISE-

GOD IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

IT TRANSCENDS.

WHAT GIVES THE

RHYTHM

TO THE DAY?

WHAT MOVES THE RIVER?

OUR RAPID CURRENT

FLOWS ON

LEAVING TRACES AND QUESTIONS.

LITTLE RESOLVE-

LITTLE COMFORT.

WHAT AM I

ON THE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME?

BEFORE AND AFTER.

WHAT AM I

THAT HAS BEEN

IN THIS BRIEF SPAN ABOUT?

 

Stephen John Kalinich

c.2002 All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

FINDING THE MEANING F EXISTENCE PART 2

 

BUILDINGS CONSTRUCTED

OUT OF THE ELEMENTS

WEAR DOWN IN TIME

TEMPORARILY STRUNG TOGETHER

OR CEMENTED

LIKE THESE FRAGILE BODIES

WHICH HOUSE OUR SPIRIT.

THEY ARE SUSPENDED IN A

DELICATE BALANCE.

THEY SO EASILY

FALL APART

ESPECIALLY WHEN

CRASHED INTO

OR EXPLODED WITHIN.

WHAT AM I MADE OF

THAT ENDURES?

OR DOES NOTHING ENDURE?

DOES EVEN THIS I

SLIP INTO

ETERNAL OBLIVION?

NEVER REMEMBERING IT

ONCE WAS.

IS ALL FORGETFULNESS?

[ CAN NOT

PRETEND IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

ASPHALT

CONCRETE

PROTOPLASM

MIXED TOGETHER.

TONIGHT JANIE

WILL NOT BE HOME FOR DINNER.

JOHNNY WILL NOT

GO TO WORK.

SUSIE WILL NEVER GET

TO HER DANCE CLASS.

ALL THEIR PLANS

AND FUTURE HOPES

WERE OBLITERATED

IN THAT ONE

INSTANTANEOUS COLLISION.

LIVES TERMINATED.

IT IS UGLY.

IT IS HARD

TO HAVE

A BEAUTIFUL THOUGHT

OR TO SAY

IT IS FOR A REASON-

IT IS FOR NO REASON.

FOR NO LESSON-

IT IS AN ABERRATION

OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT-

AN ABOMINATION-

AN INSANITY-

NOT SOMETHING

TO MAKE ME

STRONGER

OR BETTER.

IT IS THAT WITHIN THE WORLD

THAT I MUST ERADICATE.

THAT WHICH

GROWS OUT OF

THOSE SELVES

THAT CHOOSE

THE PATH

OF VIOLENCE

THAT CAN RESOLVE NO ISSUE.

HOW MANY LIFETIMES

WILL IT TAKE

TO FORGET THE NAZI BASTARDS?

THOSE BODIES

OF BONES

PILED ON TOP

OF ONE ANOTHER.

THE PUTRID SMELL

OF CHARRED FLESH.

YET I MUST GO ON SOMEHOW.

I JUST SIT

WHERE I AM

AND ALL

PASSES ME BYE-

MY FRIENDS

AND RELATIVES GET OLDER

THE HAIR TURNS GRAY-

THE SKIN CRACKS-

LINES OF CHARACTER-

WRINKLES

ARE ETCHED INTO ME

LIKE THE EMOTIONAL

EXPERIENCES OF EVERYDAY

ARE INGRAINED

IN MY HEART.

WHAT CONSTITUTES ME

THAT IS EVER EVOLVING?

OR SO THE MIRAGE

BECOMES LESS REAL.

THE END OF SLEEP

THE WORLD

OUT OF WOMB.

STILL

IN ITS ELEMENTARY STATE.

TRYING TO RISE

IN BEING.

BEYOND THE RAGE

OF THE UNCONTROLLABLE ANIMAL.

THAT ONLY

WANTS ITS WAY.

THAT KILLS

WHEN IT IS DENIED.

I AM JUST AT THE FOOT

OF BEING.

BARELY A BEGINNING.

I THE PRIMAL SAVAGE

HAVE NO IDEA

HOW SHORT

A DISTANCE

I HAVE COME.

HOW FAR I AM

REMOVED

FROM REALITY.

I AM A DILETTANTE..

A DAWDLER

NOT YET SERIOUS

ABOUT THE UNLIMITED KINDNESS

HERE FOR ME

THAT I CAN BECOME.

THAT I DO NOT SENSE.

I AM THE BRUTALITY

THAT COMES OUT OF ME.

I AM THE MURDERER.

THE KILLER OF THE WORD.

I POISON THE ATMOSPHERE

POLLUTE THE ECOLOGICAL

EXTREMITIES.

A SEED PLANTED IN THE SOIL

ONLY GROWS ITS OWN FRUIT.

A CHERRY TREE

DOES NOT PRODUCE A LEMON.

A KINDNESS BRANCH

HAS NO TOUCH OF HATRED

WITHIN IT.

IT IS PURE

UNDEFILED.

I HAVE TO CLEAN IT ALL OUT.

SEARCH AND SCAN

THE DEEP PARTS

OF MY MOTIVES

AND DESIRES-

WEED OUT

ALL THE CRIMINAL

GREEDY

AND INHUMANE REMNANTS.

ALL CORPSES THAT DANCED

STILL GENUFLECT

SWAY FROM

SIDE TO SIDE

WITH MY KISSES

WARM UPON THEM.

A THOUSAND YEARS

IS BUT A SECOND.

THE GALAXIES BEING BORN

THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE.

LIFE AND DEATH

ONE FACE-

ONE ENCOUNTER.

WHAT BECOMES

CAN NEVER NOT BE-

FOR IT ALWAYS IS

SPONTANEOUS –

STARK NAKED-

STRIPPED-

READY TO JUMP

INTO UNCHARTED TERRITORY

THAT HAS NEVER BEEN EXPOSED.

 

 

FINDING THE MEANING OF THE UNIVERSE PART 3

 

I AM THE SAVAGE

MEAT EATER

HUNTER.

I HUDDLE TOGETHER

WITH OTHERS

IN MASSES-

OCCUPY TERRITORY.

I LOVE HOPING FOR THINGS-

PURSUING DREAMS-

CREATING SOMETHING.

SOME IDEA

WHERE BEFORE

THERE WAS NOTHING.

I LOVE THE DAILY PROCESSION.

WAKING UP-

TAKING A SHOWER-

WASHING MY BODY

AND MY HAIR-

CLEANING MY EARS

DELICATELY

WITH A Q TIP-

DRYING MYSELF OFF-

DRESSING-

SHAVING IN THE CAR-

FEELING THE FIRST BREEZE

OF MORNING.

I LOVE IT

COLD AND HOT-

FREEZING AND SWEATING.

I LOVE THE NEXT EVENT.

THE NEXT MOMENT.

WHERE WILL I EAT?

WHAT WILL I EAT?

WILL I COOK AT HOME?

WHAT NEW EXPERIENCE

WILL HAPPEN TO ME?

I WANT IT

FOR ALL TIME.

BUT I KNOW IT

CANNOT BE.

THAT I WILL CEASE.

IT MAKES ME SAD.

IN THE CAVERN

OF MY STOMACH.

IT IS MORE HURTFUL

THAN I CAN BARE.

IN THE PIT OF MY BEING-

THAT ONE DAY

I WILL BE NO MORE.

WHATEVER I BECOME

I WILL NOT BE

WHAT I AM NOW.

I LIKE WHAT

I AM NOW.

I WILL MISS THE SMELLS

AND TASTE

OF THIS EARTHLY REALM.

I WILL MISS THE SADNESS-

THE SMELL OF YOUR BODY-

YOUR MOISTNESS

WHEN YOU WANT ME.

EVEN THOUGH

I DO NOT KNOW

WHO YOU ARE

OR IF YOU ARE.

YOU ARE THE ONE

I HAVE ALWAYS

FANATICIZED ABOUT.

I WILL MISS

THE LITTLE OVER COMINGS-

THE TINY TRIUMPHS.

THE TRYING

TO DO AND BE BETTER.

WHEN I TRANSFORM-

WHEN I CHANGE-

WILL I EVER

KNOW THAT I WAS HERE?

THAT I WROTE THIS NOTE

UPON THIS PAPER?

TO LOVERS EVERY WHERE

AND TO PEOPLE

WHO ARE SOLITARY

SOLOIST

IN SOME GRAND

ELOQUENT ORCHESTRA.

WILL EVERY

TRACE OF ME

VANISH FOREVER?

WILL A LITTLE REMAIN?

SOMEWHERE IN THE FACE

OF SOMEONE’S LIFE

THAT I HAVE TOUCHED-

MADE QUIVER

UNDERNEATH THE COVERS?

WILL I BE THE ICICLE

UPON THE ROOF

OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM WINDOW?

DOES IT ALL MATTER?

DOES EVERYTHING MERGE?

DOES EVERYTHING

BECOME EVERYTHING?

DO WE CRISSCROSS

IN THE UNIVERSE?

DO WE ALL

INTERSECT

EACH OTHER?

ARE WE ALL PARTS

OF ONE PULSATION-

DEAD OR ALIVE?

ONE REALITY.

THAT KNOWS NO DIFFERENCE?

ONLY ITS OWN VASTNESS.

THAT DOES NOT KNOW SORROW

OR INTENSE PAIN.

THAT ONLY KNOWS BLISS.

WILL IT BE BORING?

WILL THERE BE

NO MORE TEARS?

THE PLANES FLY

IN AND OUT

LIKE THE DEPARTING SOUL

LEAVING THIS EARTH

FOR SOMEWHERE ELSE.

LIKE ARRIVING HELPLESS BABIES.

GOD IT IS AWESOME.

JUST THE RUSH OF IT.

THE THRILL

AND EXCITEMENT

MAKES MY BLOOD

BOIL AND RACE.

THE JOURNEY OF MY SOUL

OF ALL SOULS.

IS THIS JUST

THE TRAIN STATION?

THE AIRPORT?

THE SPACE LAUNCHING

BETWEEN

TWO DESTINATIONS.

IS THIS THING

WE CALL LIFE

A PLACE TO TRANSFER

TO OUR NEXT WHATEVER?

PERHAPS IT IS NOT EVEN A STOP

BUT A STAND

ON THE SIDE

OF A GALACTIC ROAD-

A DRIVE THROUGH

FAST LIFE COURSE.

WHERE ONLY A GLIMPSE

OF THE GLORY

EVEN REACHES OUT.

WE COULD NOT TAKE MUCH MORE.

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE STAGGERING.

LIFE BOUNDLESS-

EVERY WHERE

THROUGHOUT

ALL GALAXIES AND UNIVERSES

WITHIN US

AND WITHOUT-

NEVER ENDING-

NEVER ARRIVING-

NEVER BEGINNING.

QUEST TO QUEST.

SEAPORT OF THE SOUL.

WATER AND AIR

DANCE TOGETHER

UNITE

TURN INTO A FIRE.

AM I JUST

A TRIBUTARY

IN A RIVER?

A POND IN A FIELD

THAT IS SO

INFINITESIMAL-

YET SOMEHOW IT FITS-

IF IT DOES NOT EXIST-

ALL FALLS INTO PIECES-

SHATTERS LIKE

A BROKEN CHINA CUP.

THERE ARE SWEETS

BEYOND THE PALATE

OF THESE LIMITED

TASTE BUDS.

EXCITEMENTS BEYOND

THE BODY WANTING TO MERGE

OUT OF ITSELF

INTO ANOTHER.

I AM A BEGGAR.

WE ARE BEGGARS

AT THE SWAMP.

I MAY NOT

EVEN BE FACING THE LIGHT.

BUT I AM TURNING.

DO YOU SEE IT

WRITTEN ALL AROUND YOU-

ON EVERY STREET CORNER-

IN EVERY BLOCK

OF CEMENT-

WRITTEN IN EVERY

COLORED BLUE SKY POSSIBLE.

COLORED THROUGH THE AIR-

BREATHED INTO LUNGS-

THE BREATH OF LOVE

OF SPIRIT.

I HAVE SEEN NOTHING YET-

HEARD NOTHING-

DO NOT EVEN KNOW

WHAT BEAUTY IS.

THIS WHOLE LIFE

IS BUT A TEASE.

FOR THERE IS

SO MUCH MORE

THAT LIES UNDER

THESE FEELINGS

THAT I AM TRYING

TO EXPRESS TO YOU.

I WANT IT

TO EXPLODE OUT OF MY HEART

AND COME ALIVE IN YOU.

BECAUSE IT IS YOU.

IT IS EVERYONE’S RIGHT AND REALITY

TO LIVE THIS EPIPHANY.

THIS SWEETNESS

THAT DEFIES DESCRIPTION-

THAT CANNOT BE

PUT INTO A FORM

A SHAPE

A TANGIBILITY.

IT IS ETERNAL LIFE

THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE-

THE ALL-

TYPHOON-

EARTHQUAKE-

HURRICANE

GALACTIC SEIZURE AND STORM.

YOUR DEATH

WILL BECOME LIFE.

A FLOWER WILL GROW

IN YOUR HEART-

A TREE

WILL SPRING FORTH

THAT BLOOMS

ALL YEAR ROUND.

THAT PRODUCES A FRUIT

ONE IS NOT ABLE TO EXPLAIN.

ONE BITE-

A LITTLE ON THE TONGUE-

A TASTE OF WELLNESS-

WHERE NO LACK

OR DISEASE

NO MEDICINE

OR PAIN

CAN ENTER.

THE UNION

OF ALL UNIONS.

THE MERGING-

ALL THE FORCES

COLLIDING AT ONCE

TURNING INTO LOVE-

LOVINGNESS-

THE IDEA

WILL COME OT

THAT WILL STOP THE KILLING-

THE HATRED-

THE WAR-

THE FEELING OF SUPERIORITY.

ALL FIELDS WILL BE LEVELED.

ALL EVIL WILL

BE BROUGHT

TO ITS KNEES.

ITS HEAD WILL BE STUCK

INTO THE DIRT

UNTIL IT REALIZES

IT IS HELPLESS

AGAINST THE MASSIVE GOODNESS-

THIS LOVE KINDNESS

THAT IS ALL PERVASIVE-

THAT COVERS

EVERY POSSIBILITY

AND OCCURRENCE.

IT POUNDS INTO ME-

IT BEATS ME-

IT NAILS ME

TO THE WALL.

IT OVERTAKES ME

UNTIL I FEEL ITS GRACE-

UNTIL I REALIZE

THERE IS NO RESISTANCE

TO LOVE

OTHER THAN THE ONE

I PUT UP TO IT.

LOVE IS NEVER

IN THE WAY-

ONLY I

AM IN MY OWN WAY.

I KNOW THERE ARE ANGELS

WHIRLING THROUGH THE TREES-

WHISPERING

THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE.

4/23/02?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4/21/02

 

ON FINDING THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE

by

Stephen John Kalinich

C.2002 All Rights Reserved

 

ALL BATTLES HAVE BEEN FOUGHT

THE WATERS OF THE OCEAN

BECOME BLOOD

RISE UP OUT OF THEIR WETNESS

EVAPORATE.

THE CENTURIES MOW DOWN

THE HUMBLE

THE MEEK

THE PROUD AND THE STRONG

ALL BECOME ONE

IN THIS MIGHTY BATH

WHERE NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS.

WHERE WHAT IS-

IS NOT.

DO YOU CATCH AN ECHO

OF THE MARVELOUS

THE GRAND ELOQUENT

IN YOUR VEINS

IN THE PART OF YOU

THAT NO LONGER

NEEDS TO CARE

ABOUT SECURITY

OR MATTERS

OF THE EARTH.

 

DOES GOD

HEAR ME CRYING?

DOES SHE CARE?

I WHO AM

SO INSIGNIFICANT.

A TINY SPECK

IN THE VAST ARRAY

OF POSSIBILITIES.

 

BEAUTY IS

THE UNKNOWN COMPANION

WHO IS ALWAYS

JUST BEYOND MY REACH.

THAT WHICH MY VISION CATCHES

BUT MY HEART AND HANDS CANNOT.

BEAUTY THE ONE WHO ESCAPES ME.

A TEASE.

THAT WHICH

I NEVER ATTAIN.

ITS PROMISE

IS ONE THAT CANNOT

BE FULFILLED

AND ONCE APPARENTLY REALIZED

IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVES

INTO THE MEDIOCRE.

IT IS A PASSION

THAT DOES NOT REMAIN CONSTANT.

IT APPEARS

DISAPPEARS

LEAVES MY HEART OPEN

VULNERABLE.

IS THERE A PRESENCE

THAT IS CONCERNED

ABOUT ME

IN THE UNIVERSE?

A PERSON

WHO WANTS TO HELP-

TO HEAL?

IS THERE A FORCE

THAT EVEN KNOWS

IF I EXIST.

 

SO RATHER THAN FLY

INTO HOPES

OPEN ARMS

I RELINQUISH ALL.

I EXPECT NOTHING.

I AM GRATEFUL

FOR EVERYTHING.

BECAUSE

MOST OF THE GOOD THINGS

PASS ME BYE.

SECURITY IS A ROBBER

BECAUSE

IT IS

AN IMPOSSIBILITY-

AN ILLUSION.

 

A METEORITE

CAN DASH OUT THE SKY

AND CRUSH ME.

BLOT ME OUT

IN AN INSTANT.

IS THERE ANY BACK DOOR?

ANY PLACE TO GO

FOR COMFORT

OR HELP?

OR IS MY LOT

THAT OF A SOUL

LOST FROM CONCEPTION?

ALL THIS

THAT COMES FLYING AT ME

EVERY DAY.

THIS BOMBARDMENT

THAT NEVER SLOWS

OR COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT.

THESE WINDS

TIMES

AND TURMOIL’S.

THESE COLDS

AND STUFFED UP NOSES.

FRESHLY LIT

WITH WHITE POWDER.

THESE IMAX IMAGES

IN OUTER SPACE.

THIS MUSIC

THAT SO SELDOM PLAYS.

 

THERE IS MOSTLY

THE LONELY-

THE QUIET-

THE DARK-

THE SOUNDLESS

WITH A FEW SPLASHES

OF MOVEMENT

AGAINST A PULSAR OF NOTHINGNESS.

STARLESS INFINITIES

OF GALACTIC DUST.

TIME CREEPS ONWARD

OR SO IT SEEMS

ERASING ALL OF US.

WE WHO WERE

AND ARE

DISSOLVE

ARE NO MORE-

NOT EVEN MEMORY.

WE WHO WERE SO CERTAIN

SO SURE.

IS LOVE AN ASSAULT?

IS LOVE THE ULTIMATE

DELUSION?

THE IMPOSSIBLE

THAT WE SEARCH FOR

BUT NEVER GRASP?

IS LOVE THE PROMISE

OF WHAT

CAN NEVER LAST?

ALL THINGS FADE IN TIME

AND DISINTEGRATE-

IF THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TIME.

WHAT IS LEFT

TO REFORMULATE A WORLD?

 

THROW YOURSELF

INTO THE NIGHT

DANCE WITH SOLAR SYSTEM.

YOU WHO HEAD

FOR NO DESTINATION-

YOU WHO SPIRAL

OUT OF CONTROL

AS ALL THE MATTER

FLIES OUT OFF OF YOU

AND YOU LIE NAKED

EXPOSED.

WHERE DO YOU EXIST?

WHERE DO YOU OCCUPY VOLUME

DEPTH

DIMENSION?

WHERE DOES BLOOD

ENTER YOU?

OR DO YOU COME

EQUIPPED WITH IT?

 

BEFORE ME

ALL IS DARKNESS

AFTER ME THERE IS

NO IDENTITY

NO DISTINGUISHING MARK-

NO TRACE OF MOLECULE

OR MICROBE.

I CAN KNOW

NO ONE BETTER

THAN MY SELF

THAT HANGS

ON THE BORDER-

ON THE EDGE

OR PRECIPICE

OF I

I I.

WHEN I LOVE

I LOVE

THAT PART

OF THE SELF

THAT AROUSES

WITHIN ME.

HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL

MORE ALIVE

AND AWAKE

THAN THE OTHER-

THAN THE LURKING ONE

IN THE SHADOW.

I AM ALONE.

WE ARE ALL ALONE.

YOU KNOW IT.

ALL ELSE IS PERCEPTION.

THAT IS THE RIDDLE

OF THE UNIVERSE.

 

ALL THAT APPEARS

TO BE IS NOT.

MY CONSCIOUSNESS

CONTRIBUTES AND CONSTRUCTS

ALL COLORS-

ALL SMELLS-

ALL SOUNDS.

SOUND IS THE VIBRATION

WITHIN ME

COLOR IS A MAP

THAT SINGS

ITS OWN SONG-

MAKES ITS OWN MELODY.

ALL THAT I AM

VANISHES.

ALL MOMENTS EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY.

TIME IS A WAY

TO VIEW LIFE.

A BREAKING DOWN OF ETERNITY

INTO ACCEPTABLE CHUNKS.

I AM NOT WHAT I THINK I AM.

YOU ARE NOT

WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE.

I AM MY OWN ANSWER.

I AM MY OWN LIVES WORK.

THE PAINTER

AND SCULPTOR

OF MY SOUL.

I WEAR MANY MASKS-

MANY DISGUISES.

BUT ALL IS I

EXPLODING

AND IMPLODING

FORMING NEW QUASARS

AND THEY ARE ALL ME.

THEY GO ON AND ON

PAST RECONCILIATION-

BEYOND REDEMPTION.

I DO NOT LOOK FOR PEACE

FOR RELEASE-

FOR SALVATION.

FOR ALL

IS MOVING CHAOS.

EVERY SECOND IS A CELEBRATION.

A DANCE

OF THE SYMPATHIES

THAT ARRANGE THEMSELVES

INTO SHAPES AND FORMS

BECOME THINGS-

THE FLIGHT

OF PELICANS

AND CONDORS.

THERE IS NO WAY

TO SPEED UP

THIS JOURNEY.

YET I AM THE NEEDED ARTICULATION.

THE LINK

BETWEEN NOTHINGNESS

AND TIME.

THE GEL

THAT HOLDS

THOUGHTS AND CONSCIOUS

AWAKENING TOGETHER.

I AM ALL THERE IS.

YOU ARE I.

EXPANSIVE

LARGER

IMMEDIATE.

THE WINTER WANTS ME.

THE LEAVES NEED ME.

THE BREEZE

CONVEYS THE MOMENTUM

OF MY SILENCE.

I AM STILLNESS

THAT LIVES

THROUGH EVERYTHING.

ALL EXISTS FOR ME.

THAT IS THE MEANING.

THE DESTINY.

THE PURPOSE

OF THE PAIN

OF EVERY WOUND AND HURT.

I AM THAT WOUNDED CHILD

ON THE STREET.

I AM THE HUNGRY REFUGEE.

I DIED ON SEPTEMBER 11th.

I WHO AM ALIVE NOW

FIND THE DEAD WITHIN MYSELF.

ALL THE HEARTS

THAT HAVE STOPPED BEATING.

THEIR PULSE

IS NOT ONLY HEARABLE

AND FEELABLE

BUT IT WAS NOT TAKEN AWAY

BUT ONLY UNABLE

TO RECOGNIZE

ITS ASSEMBLAGE.

ITS EVAPORATION

INTO THE ELEMENTS-

THE BUILDING BLOCKS

OF WHAT IS CALLED CREATION

WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY

REARRANGEMENT OF WHAT IS.

MAKING THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE.

WHAT IS NOT

INTO WHAT IS

THAT BECOMES

WHAT IS NOT

AND NOT KNOW

IT IS SOMETHING

OR A VOID.

I MOURN THE LOSS

I REDEDICATE

TO THE CONVICTION.

GOOD WILL RISE AGAIN

LIFE WILL NOT BE ANNIHILATED.

 

THESE VOICES THAT CRY

FROM BUILDINGS

ARE ALL CRYING OUT

TO ME.

I AM TOO WRAPPED UP

IN THE BELIEF

I AM GOING SOMEWHERE.

THAT I AM DOING SOMETHING.

THAT I HAVE

A DESTINATION

OR A GOAL.

WHEN I SHOULD JUST STOP COLD-

DEAD IN MY OWN FOOTPRINTS.

WHERE AM I ANYWAY?

I STAND IN TRUTH.

ALL MOVEMENT IS DECEPTION.

A BLANKET

STUFFED OVER

AN EMPTINESS.

THERE IS NOTHING

BEYOND

WHAT I SEE-

BEYOND WHAT IS HERE.

I HAVE TO SEE IT

CORRECTLY.

THIS NOW

IS WHAT I MUST EXPERIENCE.

IT IS ITS OWN MEANING.

THIS IS WHAT IS GRASPABLE.

ALL ELSE IS FUTILE.

THE WOUNDS OF CHANGE

RUSTLE THE AMBIGUITIES

REFRESH OLD WOUNDS

MAKE THEM RIPE

FOR HEALING.

THERE IS NO CRESCENDO

NO DENOUEMENT.

IT IS ALL NOW.

I CANNOT

DELAY LIFE ANY LONGER.

IT IS NOW

THAT THE WORLD

MUST BECOME

AND BE ALIVE.

IS THAT TOO IMMENSE

FOR ME TO ABSORB?

I SPEND MY DAYS

CHASING DOLLARS AND POWER-

TO MAKE MYSELF

FEEL MORE REAL-

MORE FORMIDABLE

BUT NO ONE

CAN MAKE ME SIGNIFICANT.

I AM A CANDLE

EASILY BLOWN OUT.

PERHAPS

I AM

A DIVINE ACCIDENT.

WHOSE PURPOSE

IS TO CREATE PURPOSE

NOT TO FIND IT.

TO ARRIVE AT IT

THROUGH MY OWN EFFORT

OR LACK OF IT.

I AM NOBLE

GRAND

LIGHT.

I AM THE WEIGHT

OF EVERYTHING.

ALL FITS INTO

THE HEAD OF A PIN.

GONE IN A FRACTION OF A SECOND.

TIME IS SWALLOWED UP-

GULPED DOWN

LIKE A REFILL AT MCDONALDS.

I AM A DIET COKE

WITH LEMON-

A CHOCOLATE BAR

WITH ALMONDS.

WILL THESE THOUGHTS

EVER LEAVE ME?

WILL I NOT WEAR THEM

AS A GARMENT.

SEE THEM

AS A DISORGANIZED SEA

OF FLOATING

PIECES

OF A PUZZLE.

A PUZZLE

THAT WILL NEVER

BE PUT TOGETHER.

THEREIN LIES THE BEAUTY.

IS THEIR ROOM FOR MYSELF

WITHIN ME?

I CELEBRATE MY PAIN.

IT IS THE LINCHPIN

TO MY VICTORY.

EVERYONE IS A WINNER.

EVERY NAME IS FOREVER.

EVERY SOUND IS ETERNAL

SPEAKS OF PEACE AND LAUGHTER.

IT IS ALL.

IN MY DESPAIR

MY HAPPINESS LIES

HIDDEN IN MY DARKNESS.

WHAT IS THIS BROKEN HEART

I CARRY ON MY SLEEVE?

WHAT IS THIS HEAVINESS

I DRAG AROUND WITH ME?

I WILL NOT CARRY IT

ONE SECOND LONGER.

I SING THE SILENCE.

THE WORDLESS POEM.

I LIVE.

I AM THE LOSER.

I AM THE CHAMPION.

THE CHALLENGER.

THE OPPONENT.

I CANNOT STAND HERE.

STOP AT ONE LOCATION-

NO RESTING ZONE.

ONLY THE DANCE-

ONLY THE FLIGHT-

ONLY THE JOURNEY.

HEAR THOSE SOULS SINGING.

“DO NOT WEEP FOR ME”

CRYING FROM THE HOLOCAUST-

FROM THE CRUSADES-

FROM THE FRENCH REVOLUTION-

FROM THE DAYS OF CAESAR-

FROM THE HILLS OF GALILEE.

ALL THESE LITTLE ONES

SLAUGHTERED

IN THE NAME OF A GOD

WHO IS NOT POSSIBLE.

I THE LIVING

AM THE DEAD.

NO VOICE MISSING.

ALL VOICES ARE HEARD

NO MATTER

HOW FAINTLY-

NONE ARE FORGOTTEN

BY THE ALL.

WHAT WAS THE CAUSE?

WHAT WAS THE WAR?

WHO IS THE ENEMY?

WHO IS THE VICTOR?

SAND PILES UP

EONS PASS.

I DO NOT LEARN

THE LESSONS

WRITTEN

IN EVERY SUNRISE

EVERY EARLY DEMISE-

GOD IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

IT TRANSCENDS.

WHAT GIVES THE

RHYTHM

TO THE DAY?

WHAT MOVES THE RIVER?

OUR RAPID CURRENT

FLOWS ON

LEAVING TRACES AND QUESTIONS.

LITTLE RESOLVE-

LITTLE COMFORT.

WHAT AM I

ON THE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME?

BEFORE AND AFTER.

WHAT AM I

THAT HAS BEEN

IN THIS BRIEF SPAN ABOUT?

 

Stephen John Kalinich

c.2002 All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

FINDING THE MEANING F EXISTENCE PART 2

 

BUILDINGS CONSTRUCTED

OUT OF THE ELEMENTS

WEAR DOWN IN TIME

TEMPORARILY STRUNG TOGETHER

OR CEMENTED

LIKE THESE FRAGILE BODIES

WHICH HOUSE OUR SPIRIT.

THEY ARE SUSPENDED IN A

DELICATE BALANCE.

THEY SO EASILY

FALL APART

ESPECIALLY WHEN

CRASHED INTO

OR EXPLODED WITHIN.

WHAT AM I MADE OF

THAT ENDURES?

OR DOES NOTHING ENDURE?

DOES EVEN THIS I

SLIP INTO

ETERNAL OBLIVION?

NEVER REMEMBERING IT

ONCE WAS.

IS ALL FORGETFULNESS?

[ CAN NOT

PRETEND IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

ASPHALT

CONCRETE

PROTOPLASM

MIXED TOGETHER.

TONIGHT JANIE

WILL NOT BE HOME FOR DINNER.

JOHNNY WILL NOT

GO TO WORK.

SUSIE WILL NEVER GET

TO HER DANCE CLASS.

ALL THEIR PLANS

AND FUTURE HOPES

WERE OBLITERATED

IN THAT ONE

INSTANTANEOUS COLLISION.

LIVES TERMINATED.

IT IS UGLY.

IT IS HARD

TO HAVE

A BEAUTIFUL THOUGHT

OR TO SAY

IT IS FOR A REASON-

IT IS FOR NO REASON.

FOR NO LESSON-

IT IS AN ABERRATION

OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT-

AN ABOMINATION-

AN INSANITY-

NOT SOMETHING

TO MAKE ME

STRONGER

OR BETTER.

IT IS THAT WITHIN THE WORLD

THAT I MUST ERADICATE.

THAT WHICH

GROWS OUT OF

THOSE SELVES

THAT CHOOSE

THE PATH

OF VIOLENCE

THAT CAN RESOLVE NO ISSUE.

HOW MANY LIFETIMES

WILL IT TAKE

TO FORGET THE NAZI BASTARDS?

THOSE BODIES

OF BONES

PILED ON TOP

OF ONE ANOTHER.

THE PUTRID SMELL

OF CHARRED FLESH.

YET I MUST GO ON SOMEHOW.

I JUST SIT

WHERE I AM

AND ALL

PASSES ME BYE-

MY FRIENDS

AND RELATIVES GET OLDER

THE HAIR TURNS GRAY-

THE SKIN CRACKS-

LINES OF CHARACTER-

WRINKLES

ARE ETCHED INTO ME

LIKE THE EMOTIONAL

EXPERIENCES OF EVERYDAY

ARE INGRAINED

IN MY HEART.

WHAT CONSTITUTES ME

THAT IS EVER EVOLVING?

OR SO THE MIRAGE

BECOMES LESS REAL.

THE END OF SLEEP

THE WORLD

OUT OF WOMB.

STILL

IN ITS ELEMENTARY STATE.

TRYING TO RISE

IN BEING.

BEYOND THE RAGE

OF THE UNCONTROLLABLE ANIMAL.

THAT ONLY

WANTS ITS WAY.

THAT KILLS

WHEN IT IS DENIED.

I AM JUST AT THE FOOT

OF BEING.

BARELY A BEGINNING.

I THE PRIMAL SAVAGE

HAVE NO IDEA

HOW SHORT

A DISTANCE

I HAVE COME.

HOW FAR I AM

REMOVED

FROM REALITY.

I AM A DILETTANTE..

A DAWDLER

NOT YET SERIOUS

ABOUT THE UNLIMITED KINDNESS

HERE FOR ME

THAT I CAN BECOME.

THAT I DO NOT SENSE.

I AM THE BRUTALITY

THAT COMES OUT OF ME.

I AM THE MURDERER.

THE KILLER OF THE WORD.

I POISON THE ATMOSPHERE

POLLUTE THE ECOLOGICAL

EXTREMITIES.

A SEED PLANTED IN THE SOIL

ONLY GROWS ITS OWN FRUIT.

A CHERRY TREE

DOES NOT PRODUCE A LEMON.

A KINDNESS BRANCH

HAS NO TOUCH OF HATRED

WITHIN IT.

IT IS PURE

UNDEFILED.

I HAVE TO CLEAN IT ALL OUT.

SEARCH AND SCAN

THE DEEP PARTS

OF MY MOTIVES

AND DESIRES-

WEED OUT

ALL THE CRIMINAL

GREEDY

AND INHUMANE REMNANTS.

ALL CORPSES THAT DANCED

STILL GENUFLECT

SWAY FROM

SIDE TO SIDE

WITH MY KISSES

WARM UPON THEM.

A THOUSAND YEARS

IS BUT A SECOND.

THE GALAXIES BEING BORN

THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE.

LIFE AND DEATH

ONE FACE-

ONE ENCOUNTER.

WHAT BECOMES

CAN NEVER NOT BE-

FOR IT ALWAYS IS

SPONTANEOUS –

STARK NAKED-

STRIPPED-

READY TO JUMP

INTO UNCHARTED TERRITORY

THAT HAS NEVER BEEN EXPOSED.

 

 

FINDING THE MEANING OF THE UNIVERSE PART 3

 

I AM THE SAVAGE

MEAT EATER

HUNTER.

I HUDDLE TOGETHER

WITH OTHERS

IN MASSES-

OCCUPY TERRITORY.

I LOVE HOPING FOR THINGS-

PURSUING DREAMS-

CREATING SOMETHING.

SOME IDEA

WHERE BEFORE

THERE WAS NOTHING.

I LOVE THE DAILY PROCESSION.

WAKING UP-

TAKING A SHOWER-

WASHING MY BODY

AND MY HAIR-

CLEANING MY EARS

DELICATELY

WITH A Q TIP-

DRYING MYSELF OFF-

DRESSING-

SHAVING IN THE CAR-

FEELING THE FIRST BREEZE

OF MORNING.

I LOVE IT

COLD AND HOT-

FREEZING AND SWEATING.

I LOVE THE NEXT EVENT.

THE NEXT MOMENT.

WHERE WILL I EAT?

WHAT WILL I EAT?

WILL I COOK AT HOME?

WHAT NEW EXPERIENCE

WILL HAPPEN TO ME?

I WANT IT

FOR ALL TIME.

BUT I KNOW IT

CANNOT BE.

THAT I WILL CEASE.

IT MAKES ME SAD.

IN THE CAVERN

OF MY STOMACH.

IT IS MORE HURTFUL

THAN I CAN BARE.

IN THE PIT OF MY BEING-

THAT ONE DAY

I WILL BE NO MORE.

WHATEVER I BECOME

I WILL NOT BE

WHAT I AM NOW.

I LIKE WHAT

I AM NOW.

I WILL MISS THE SMELLS

AND TASTE

OF THIS EARTHLY REALM.

I WILL MISS THE SADNESS-

THE SMELL OF YOUR BODY-

YOUR MOISTNESS

WHEN YOU WANT ME.

EVEN THOUGH

I DO NOT KNOW

WHO YOU ARE

OR IF YOU ARE.

YOU ARE THE ONE

I HAVE ALWAYS

FANATICIZED ABOUT.

I WILL MISS

THE LITTLE OVER COMINGS-

THE TINY TRIUMPHS.

THE TRYING

TO DO AND BE BETTER.

WHEN I TRANSFORM-

WHEN I CHANGE-

WILL I EVER

KNOW THAT I WAS HERE?

THAT I WROTE THIS NOTE

UPON THIS PAPER?

TO LOVERS EVERY WHERE

AND TO PEOPLE

WHO ARE SOLITARY

SOLOIST

IN SOME GRAND

ELOQUENT ORCHESTRA.

WILL EVERY

TRACE OF ME

VANISH FOREVER?

WILL A LITTLE REMAIN?

SOMEWHERE IN THE FACE

OF SOMEONE’S LIFE

THAT I HAVE TOUCHED-

MADE QUIVER

UNDERNEATH THE COVERS?

WILL I BE THE ICICLE

UPON THE ROOF

OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM WINDOW?

DOES IT ALL MATTER?

DOES EVERYTHING MERGE?

DOES EVERYTHING

BECOME EVERYTHING?

DO WE CRISSCROSS

IN THE UNIVERSE?

DO WE ALL

INTERSECT

EACH OTHER?

ARE WE ALL PARTS

OF ONE PULSATION-

DEAD OR ALIVE?

ONE REALITY.

THAT KNOWS NO DIFFERENCE?

ONLY ITS OWN VASTNESS.

THAT DOES NOT KNOW SORROW

OR INTENSE PAIN.

THAT ONLY KNOWS BLISS.

WILL IT BE BORING?

WILL THERE BE

NO MORE TEARS?

THE PLANES FLY

IN AND OUT

LIKE THE DEPARTING SOUL

LEAVING THIS EARTH

FOR SOMEWHERE ELSE.

LIKE ARRIVING HELPLESS BABIES.

GOD IT IS AWESOME.

JUST THE RUSH OF IT.

THE THRILL

AND EXCITEMENT

MAKES MY BLOOD

BOIL AND RACE.

THE JOURNEY OF MY SOUL

OF ALL SOULS.

IS THIS JUST

THE TRAIN STATION?

THE AIRPORT?

THE SPACE LAUNCHING

BETWEEN

TWO DESTINATIONS.

IS THIS THING

WE CALL LIFE

A PLACE TO TRANSFER

TO OUR NEXT WHATEVER?

PERHAPS IT IS NOT EVEN A STOP

BUT A STAND

ON THE SIDE

OF A GALACTIC ROAD-

A DRIVE THROUGH

FAST LIFE COURSE.

WHERE ONLY A GLIMPSE

OF THE GLORY

EVEN REACHES OUT.

WE COULD NOT TAKE MUCH MORE.

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE STAGGERING.

LIFE BOUNDLESS-

EVERY WHERE

THROUGHOUT

ALL GALAXIES AND UNIVERSES

WITHIN US

AND WITHOUT-

NEVER ENDING-

NEVER ARRIVING-

NEVER BEGINNING.

QUEST TO QUEST.

SEAPORT OF THE SOUL.

WATER AND AIR

DANCE TOGETHER

UNITE

TURN INTO A FIRE.

AM I JUST

A TRIBUTARY

IN A RIVER?

A POND IN A FIELD

THAT IS SO

INFINITESIMAL-

YET SOMEHOW IT FITS-

IF IT DOES NOT EXIST-

ALL FALLS INTO PIECES-

SHATTERS LIKE

A BROKEN CHINA CUP.

THERE ARE SWEETS

BEYOND THE PALATE

OF THESE LIMITED

TASTE BUDS.

EXCITEMENTS BEYOND

THE BODY WANTING TO MERGE

OUT OF ITSELF

INTO ANOTHER.

I AM A BEGGAR.

WE ARE BEGGARS

AT THE SWAMP.

I MAY NOT

EVEN BE FACING THE LIGHT.

BUT I AM TURNING.

DO YOU SEE IT

WRITTEN ALL AROUND YOU-

ON EVERY STREET CORNER-

IN EVERY BLOCK

OF CEMENT-

WRITTEN IN EVERY

COLORED BLUE SKY POSSIBLE.

COLORED THROUGH THE AIR-

BREATHED INTO LUNGS-

THE BREATH OF LOVE

OF SPIRIT.

I HAVE SEEN NOTHING YET-

HEARD NOTHING-

DO NOT EVEN KNOW

WHAT BEAUTY IS.

THIS WHOLE LIFE

IS BUT A TEASE.

FOR THERE IS

SO MUCH MORE

THAT LIES UNDER

THESE FEELINGS

THAT I AM TRYING

TO EXPRESS TO YOU.

I WANT IT

TO EXPLODE OUT OF MY HEART

AND COME ALIVE IN YOU.

BECAUSE IT IS YOU.

IT IS EVERYONE’S RIGHT AND REALITY

TO LIVE THIS EPIPHANY.

THIS SWEETNESS

THAT DEFIES DESCRIPTION-

THAT CANNOT BE

PUT INTO A FORM

A SHAPE

A TANGIBILITY.

IT IS ETERNAL LIFE

THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE-

THE ALL-

TYPHOON-

EARTHQUAKE-

HURRICANE

GALACTIC SEIZURE AND STORM.

YOUR DEATH

WILL BECOME LIFE.

A FLOWER WILL GROW

IN YOUR HEART-

A TREE

WILL SPRING FORTH

THAT BLOOMS

ALL YEAR ROUND.

THAT PRODUCES A FRUIT

ONE IS NOT ABLE TO EXPLAIN.

ONE BITE-

A LITTLE ON THE TONGUE-

A TASTE OF WELLNESS-

WHERE NO LACK

OR DISEASE

NO MEDICINE

OR PAIN

CAN ENTER.

THE UNION

OF ALL UNIONS.

THE MERGING-

ALL THE FORCES

COLLIDING AT ONCE

TURNING INTO LOVE-

LOVINGNESS-

THE IDEA

WILL COME OT

THAT WILL STOP THE KILLING-

THE HATRED-

THE WAR-

THE FEELING OF SUPERIORITY.

ALL FIELDS WILL BE LEVELED.

ALL EVIL WILL

BE BROUGHT

TO ITS KNEES.

ITS HEAD WILL BE STUCK

INTO THE DIRT

UNTIL IT REALIZES

IT IS HELPLESS

AGAINST THE MASSIVE GOODNESS-

THIS LOVE KINDNESS

THAT IS ALL PERVASIVE-

THAT COVERS

EVERY POSSIBILITY

AND OCCURRENCE.

IT POUNDS INTO ME-

IT BEATS ME-

IT NAILS ME

TO THE WALL.

IT OVERTAKES ME

UNTIL I FEEL ITS GRACE-

UNTIL I REALIZE

THERE IS NO RESISTANCE

TO LOVE

OTHER THAN THE ONE

I PUT UP TO IT.

LOVE IS NEVER

IN THE WAY-

ONLY I

AM IN MY OWN WAY.

I KNOW THERE ARE ANGELS

WHIRLING THROUGH THE TREES-

WHISPERING

THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE.

4/23/02?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4/21/02

 

ON FINDING THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE

by

Stephen John Kalinich

C.2002 All Rights Reserved

 

ALL BATTLES HAVE BEEN FOUGHT

THE WATERS OF THE OCEAN

BECOME BLOOD

RISE UP OUT OF THEIR WETNESS

EVAPORATE.

THE CENTURIES MOW DOWN

THE HUMBLE

THE MEEK

THE PROUD AND THE STRONG

ALL BECOME ONE

IN THIS MIGHTY BATH

WHERE NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS.

WHERE WHAT IS-

IS NOT.

DO YOU CATCH AN ECHO

OF THE MARVELOUS

THE GRAND ELOQUENT

IN YOUR VEINS

IN THE PART OF YOU

THAT NO LONGER

NEEDS TO CARE

ABOUT SECURITY

OR MATTERS

OF THE EARTH.

 

DOES GOD

HEAR ME CRYING?

DOES SHE CARE?

I WHO AM

SO INSIGNIFICANT.

A TINY SPECK

IN THE VAST ARRAY

OF POSSIBILITIES.

 

BEAUTY IS

THE UNKNOWN COMPANION

WHO IS ALWAYS

JUST BEYOND MY REACH.

THAT WHICH MY VISION CATCHES

BUT MY HEART AND HANDS CANNOT.

BEAUTY THE ONE WHO ESCAPES ME.

A TEASE.

THAT WHICH

I NEVER ATTAIN.

ITS PROMISE

IS ONE THAT CANNOT

BE FULFILLED

AND ONCE APPARENTLY REALIZED

IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVES

INTO THE MEDIOCRE.

IT IS A PASSION

THAT DOES NOT REMAIN CONSTANT.

IT APPEARS

DISAPPEARS

LEAVES MY HEART OPEN

VULNERABLE.

IS THERE A PRESENCE

THAT IS CONCERNED

ABOUT ME

IN THE UNIVERSE?

A PERSON

WHO WANTS TO HELP-

TO HEAL?

IS THERE A FORCE

THAT EVEN KNOWS

IF I EXIST.

 

SO RATHER THAN FLY

INTO HOPES

OPEN ARMS

I RELINQUISH ALL.

I EXPECT NOTHING.

I AM GRATEFUL

FOR EVERYTHING.

BECAUSE

MOST OF THE GOOD THINGS

PASS ME BYE.

SECURITY IS A ROBBER

BECAUSE

IT IS

AN IMPOSSIBILITY-

AN ILLUSION.

 

A METEORITE

CAN DASH OUT THE SKY

AND CRUSH ME.

BLOT ME OUT

IN AN INSTANT.

IS THERE ANY BACK DOOR?

ANY PLACE TO GO

FOR COMFORT

OR HELP?

OR IS MY LOT

THAT OF A SOUL

LOST FROM CONCEPTION?

ALL THIS

THAT COMES FLYING AT ME

EVERY DAY.

THIS BOMBARDMENT

THAT NEVER SLOWS

OR COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT.

THESE WINDS

TIMES

AND TURMOIL’S.

THESE COLDS

AND STUFFED UP NOSES.

FRESHLY LIT

WITH WHITE POWDER.

THESE IMAX IMAGES

IN OUTER SPACE.

THIS MUSIC

THAT SO SELDOM PLAYS.

 

THERE IS MOSTLY

THE LONELY-

THE QUIET-

THE DARK-

THE SOUNDLESS

WITH A FEW SPLASHES

OF MOVEMENT

AGAINST A PULSAR OF NOTHINGNESS.

STARLESS INFINITIES

OF GALACTIC DUST.

TIME CREEPS ONWARD

OR SO IT SEEMS

ERASING ALL OF US.

WE WHO WERE

AND ARE

DISSOLVE

ARE NO MORE-

NOT EVEN MEMORY.

WE WHO WERE SO CERTAIN

SO SURE.

IS LOVE AN ASSAULT?

IS LOVE THE ULTIMATE

DELUSION?

THE IMPOSSIBLE

THAT WE SEARCH FOR

BUT NEVER GRASP?

IS LOVE THE PROMISE

OF WHAT

CAN NEVER LAST?

ALL THINGS FADE IN TIME

AND DISINTEGRATE-

IF THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TIME.

WHAT IS LEFT

TO REFORMULATE A WORLD?

 

THROW YOURSELF

INTO THE NIGHT

DANCE WITH SOLAR SYSTEM.

YOU WHO HEAD

FOR NO DESTINATION-

YOU WHO SPIRAL

OUT OF CONTROL

AS ALL THE MATTER

FLIES OUT OFF OF YOU

AND YOU LIE NAKED

EXPOSED.

WHERE DO YOU EXIST?

WHERE DO YOU OCCUPY VOLUME

DEPTH

DIMENSION?

WHERE DOES BLOOD

ENTER YOU?

OR DO YOU COME

EQUIPPED WITH IT?

 

BEFORE ME

ALL IS DARKNESS

AFTER ME THERE IS

NO IDENTITY

NO DISTINGUISHING MARK-

NO TRACE OF MOLECULE

OR MICROBE.

I CAN KNOW

NO ONE BETTER

THAN MY SELF

THAT HANGS

ON THE BORDER-

ON THE EDGE

OR PRECIPICE

OF I

I I.

WHEN I LOVE

I LOVE

THAT PART

OF THE SELF

THAT AROUSES

WITHIN ME.

HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL

MORE ALIVE

AND AWAKE

THAN THE OTHER-

THAN THE LURKING ONE

IN THE SHADOW.

I AM ALONE.

WE ARE ALL ALONE.

YOU KNOW IT.

ALL ELSE IS PERCEPTION.

THAT IS THE RIDDLE

OF THE UNIVERSE.

 

ALL THAT APPEARS

TO BE IS NOT.

MY CONSCIOUSNESS

CONTRIBUTES AND CONSTRUCTS

ALL COLORS-

ALL SMELLS-

ALL SOUNDS.

SOUND IS THE VIBRATION

WITHIN ME

COLOR IS A MAP

THAT SINGS

ITS OWN SONG-

MAKES ITS OWN MELODY.

ALL THAT I AM

VANISHES.

ALL MOMENTS EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY.

TIME IS A WAY

TO VIEW LIFE.

A BREAKING DOWN OF ETERNITY

INTO ACCEPTABLE CHUNKS.

I AM NOT WHAT I THINK I AM.

YOU ARE NOT

WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE.

I AM MY OWN ANSWER.

I AM MY OWN LIVES WORK.

THE PAINTER

AND SCULPTOR

OF MY SOUL.

I WEAR MANY MASKS-

MANY DISGUISES.

BUT ALL IS I

EXPLODING

AND IMPLODING

FORMING NEW QUASARS

AND THEY ARE ALL ME.

THEY GO ON AND ON

PAST RECONCILIATION-

BEYOND REDEMPTION.

I DO NOT LOOK FOR PEACE

FOR RELEASE-

FOR SALVATION.

FOR ALL

IS MOVING CHAOS.

EVERY SECOND IS A CELEBRATION.

A DANCE

OF THE SYMPATHIES

THAT ARRANGE THEMSELVES

INTO SHAPES AND FORMS

BECOME THINGS-

THE FLIGHT

OF PELICANS

AND CONDORS.

THERE IS NO WAY

TO SPEED UP

THIS JOURNEY.

YET I AM THE NEEDED ARTICULATION.

THE LINK

BETWEEN NOTHINGNESS

AND TIME.

THE GEL

THAT HOLDS

THOUGHTS AND CONSCIOUS

AWAKENING TOGETHER.

I AM ALL THERE IS.

YOU ARE I.

EXPANSIVE

LARGER

IMMEDIATE.

THE WINTER WANTS ME.

THE LEAVES NEED ME.

THE BREEZE

CONVEYS THE MOMENTUM

OF MY SILENCE.

I AM STILLNESS

THAT LIVES

THROUGH EVERYTHING.

ALL EXISTS FOR ME.

THAT IS THE MEANING.

THE DESTINY.

THE PURPOSE

OF THE PAIN

OF EVERY WOUND AND HURT.

I AM THAT WOUNDED CHILD

ON THE STREET.

I AM THE HUNGRY REFUGEE.

I DIED ON SEPTEMBER 11th.

I WHO AM ALIVE NOW

FIND THE DEAD WITHIN MYSELF.

ALL THE HEARTS

THAT HAVE STOPPED BEATING.

THEIR PULSE

IS NOT ONLY HEARABLE

AND FEELABLE

BUT IT WAS NOT TAKEN AWAY

BUT ONLY UNABLE

TO RECOGNIZE

ITS ASSEMBLAGE.

ITS EVAPORATION

INTO THE ELEMENTS-

THE BUILDING BLOCKS

OF WHAT IS CALLED CREATION

WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY

REARRANGEMENT OF WHAT IS.

MAKING THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE.

WHAT IS NOT

INTO WHAT IS

THAT BECOMES

WHAT IS NOT

AND NOT KNOW

IT IS SOMETHING

OR A VOID.

I MOURN THE LOSS

I REDEDICATE

TO THE CONVICTION.

GOOD WILL RISE AGAIN

LIFE WILL NOT BE ANNIHILATED.

 

THESE VOICES THAT CRY

FROM BUILDINGS

ARE ALL CRYING OUT

TO ME.

I AM TOO WRAPPED UP

IN THE BELIEF

I AM GOING SOMEWHERE.

THAT I AM DOING SOMETHING.

THAT I HAVE

A DESTINATION

OR A GOAL.

WHEN I SHOULD JUST STOP COLD-

DEAD IN MY OWN FOOTPRINTS.

WHERE AM I ANYWAY?

I STAND IN TRUTH.

ALL MOVEMENT IS DECEPTION.

A BLANKET

STUFFED OVER

AN EMPTINESS.

THERE IS NOTHING

BEYOND

WHAT I SEE-

BEYOND WHAT IS HERE.

I HAVE TO SEE IT

CORRECTLY.

THIS NOW

IS WHAT I MUST EXPERIENCE.

IT IS ITS OWN MEANING.

THIS IS WHAT IS GRASPABLE.

ALL ELSE IS FUTILE.

THE WOUNDS OF CHANGE

RUSTLE THE AMBIGUITIES

REFRESH OLD WOUNDS

MAKE THEM RIPE

FOR HEALING.

THERE IS NO CRESCENDO

NO DENOUEMENT.

IT IS ALL NOW.

I CANNOT

DELAY LIFE ANY LONGER.

IT IS NOW

THAT THE WORLD

MUST BECOME

AND BE ALIVE.

IS THAT TOO IMMENSE

FOR ME TO ABSORB?

I SPEND MY DAYS

CHASING DOLLARS AND POWER-

TO MAKE MYSELF

FEEL MORE REAL-

MORE FORMIDABLE

BUT NO ONE

CAN MAKE ME SIGNIFICANT.

I AM A CANDLE

EASILY BLOWN OUT.

PERHAPS

I AM

A DIVINE ACCIDENT.

WHOSE PURPOSE

IS TO CREATE PURPOSE

NOT TO FIND IT.

TO ARRIVE AT IT

THROUGH MY OWN EFFORT

OR LACK OF IT.

I AM NOBLE

GRAND

LIGHT.

I AM THE WEIGHT

OF EVERYTHING.

ALL FITS INTO

THE HEAD OF A PIN.

GONE IN A FRACTION OF A SECOND.

TIME IS SWALLOWED UP-

GULPED DOWN

LIKE A REFILL AT MCDONALDS.

I AM A DIET COKE

WITH LEMON-

A CHOCOLATE BAR

WITH ALMONDS.

WILL THESE THOUGHTS

EVER LEAVE ME?

WILL I NOT WEAR THEM

AS A GARMENT.

SEE THEM

AS A DISORGANIZED SEA

OF FLOATING

PIECES

OF A PUZZLE.

A PUZZLE

THAT WILL NEVER

BE PUT TOGETHER.

THEREIN LIES THE BEAUTY.

IS THEIR ROOM FOR MYSELF

WITHIN ME?

I CELEBRATE MY PAIN.

IT IS THE LINCHPIN

TO MY VICTORY.

EVERYONE IS A WINNER.

EVERY NAME IS FOREVER.

EVERY SOUND IS ETERNAL

SPEAKS OF PEACE AND LAUGHTER.

IT IS ALL.

IN MY DESPAIR

MY HAPPINESS LIES

HIDDEN IN MY DARKNESS.

WHAT IS THIS BROKEN HEART

I CARRY ON MY SLEEVE?

WHAT IS THIS HEAVINESS

I DRAG AROUND WITH ME?

I WILL NOT CARRY IT

ONE SECOND LONGER.

I SING THE SILENCE.

THE WORDLESS POEM.

I LIVE.

I AM THE LOSER.

I AM THE CHAMPION.

THE CHALLENGER.

THE OPPONENT.

I CANNOT STAND HERE.

STOP AT ONE LOCATION-

NO RESTING ZONE.

ONLY THE DANCE-

ONLY THE FLIGHT-

ONLY THE JOURNEY.

HEAR THOSE SOULS SINGING.

“DO NOT WEEP FOR ME”

CRYING FROM THE HOLOCAUST-

FROM THE CRUSADES-

FROM THE FRENCH REVOLUTION-

FROM THE DAYS OF CAESAR-

FROM THE HILLS OF GALILEE.

ALL THESE LITTLE ONES

SLAUGHTERED

IN THE NAME OF A GOD

WHO IS NOT POSSIBLE.

I THE LIVING

AM THE DEAD.

NO VOICE MISSING.

ALL VOICES ARE HEARD

NO MATTER

HOW FAINTLY-

NONE ARE FORGOTTEN

BY THE ALL.

WHAT WAS THE CAUSE?

WHAT WAS THE WAR?

WHO IS THE ENEMY?

WHO IS THE VICTOR?

SAND PILES UP

EONS PASS.

I DO NOT LEARN

THE LESSONS

WRITTEN

IN EVERY SUNRISE

EVERY EARLY DEMISE-

GOD IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

IT TRANSCENDS.

WHAT GIVES THE

RHYTHM

TO THE DAY?

WHAT MOVES THE RIVER?

OUR RAPID CURRENT

FLOWS ON

LEAVING TRACES AND QUESTIONS.

LITTLE RESOLVE-

LITTLE COMFORT.

WHAT AM I

ON THE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME?

BEFORE AND AFTER.

WHAT AM I

THAT HAS BEEN

IN THIS BRIEF SPAN ABOUT?

 

Stephen John Kalinich

c.2002 All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

FINDING THE MEANING F EXISTENCE PART 2

 

BUILDINGS CONSTRUCTED

OUT OF THE ELEMENTS

WEAR DOWN IN TIME

TEMPORARILY STRUNG TOGETHER

OR CEMENTED

LIKE THESE FRAGILE BODIES

WHICH HOUSE OUR SPIRIT.

THEY ARE SUSPENDED IN A

DELICATE BALANCE.

THEY SO EASILY

FALL APART

ESPECIALLY WHEN

CRASHED INTO

OR EXPLODED WITHIN.

WHAT AM I MADE OF

THAT ENDURES?

OR DOES NOTHING ENDURE?

DOES EVEN THIS I

SLIP INTO

ETERNAL OBLIVION?

NEVER REMEMBERING IT

ONCE WAS.

IS ALL FORGETFULNESS?

[ CAN NOT

PRETEND IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

ASPHALT

CONCRETE

PROTOPLASM

MIXED TOGETHER.

TONIGHT JANIE

WILL NOT BE HOME FOR DINNER.

JOHNNY WILL NOT

GO TO WORK.

SUSIE WILL NEVER GET

TO HER DANCE CLASS.

ALL THEIR PLANS

AND FUTURE HOPES

WERE OBLITERATED

IN THAT ONE

INSTANTANEOUS COLLISION.

LIVES TERMINATED.

IT IS UGLY.

IT IS HARD

TO HAVE

A BEAUTIFUL THOUGHT

OR TO SAY

IT IS FOR A REASON-

IT IS FOR NO REASON.

FOR NO LESSON-

IT IS AN ABERRATION

OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT-

AN ABOMINATION-

AN INSANITY-

NOT SOMETHING

TO MAKE ME

STRONGER

OR BETTER.

IT IS THAT WITHIN THE WORLD

THAT I MUST ERADICATE.

THAT WHICH

GROWS OUT OF

THOSE SELVES

THAT CHOOSE

THE PATH

OF VIOLENCE

THAT CAN RESOLVE NO ISSUE.

HOW MANY LIFETIMES

WILL IT TAKE

TO FORGET THE NAZI BASTARDS?

THOSE BODIES

OF BONES

PILED ON TOP

OF ONE ANOTHER.

THE PUTRID SMELL

OF CHARRED FLESH.

YET I MUST GO ON SOMEHOW.

I JUST SIT

WHERE I AM

AND ALL

PASSES ME BYE-

MY FRIENDS

AND RELATIVES GET OLDER

THE HAIR TURNS GRAY-

THE SKIN CRACKS-

LINES OF CHARACTER-

WRINKLES

ARE ETCHED INTO ME

LIKE THE EMOTIONAL

EXPERIENCES OF EVERYDAY

ARE INGRAINED

IN MY HEART.

WHAT CONSTITUTES ME

THAT IS EVER EVOLVING?

OR SO THE MIRAGE

BECOMES LESS REAL.

THE END OF SLEEP

THE WORLD

OUT OF WOMB.

STILL

IN ITS ELEMENTARY STATE.

TRYING TO RISE

IN BEING.

BEYOND THE RAGE

OF THE UNCONTROLLABLE ANIMAL.

THAT ONLY

WANTS ITS WAY.

THAT KILLS

WHEN IT IS DENIED.

I AM JUST AT THE FOOT

OF BEING.

BARELY A BEGINNING.

I THE PRIMAL SAVAGE

HAVE NO IDEA

HOW SHORT

A DISTANCE

I HAVE COME.

HOW FAR I AM

REMOVED

FROM REALITY.

I AM A DILETTANTE..

A DAWDLER

NOT YET SERIOUS

ABOUT THE UNLIMITED KINDNESS

HERE FOR ME

THAT I CAN BECOME.

THAT I DO NOT SENSE.

I AM THE BRUTALITY

THAT COMES OUT OF ME.

I AM THE MURDERER.

THE KILLER OF THE WORD.

I POISON THE ATMOSPHERE

POLLUTE THE ECOLOGICAL

EXTREMITIES.

A SEED PLANTED IN THE SOIL

ONLY GROWS ITS OWN FRUIT.

A CHERRY TREE

DOES NOT PRODUCE A LEMON.

A KINDNESS BRANCH

HAS NO TOUCH OF HATRED

WITHIN IT.

IT IS PURE

UNDEFILED.

I HAVE TO CLEAN IT ALL OUT.

SEARCH AND SCAN

THE DEEP PARTS

OF MY MOTIVES

AND DESIRES-

WEED OUT

ALL THE CRIMINAL

GREEDY

AND INHUMANE REMNANTS.

ALL CORPSES THAT DANCED

STILL GENUFLECT

SWAY FROM

SIDE TO SIDE

WITH MY KISSES

WARM UPON THEM.

A THOUSAND YEARS

IS BUT A SECOND.

THE GALAXIES BEING BORN

THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE.

LIFE AND DEATH

ONE FACE-

ONE ENCOUNTER.

WHAT BECOMES

CAN NEVER NOT BE-

FOR IT ALWAYS IS

SPONTANEOUS –

STARK NAKED-

STRIPPED-

READY TO JUMP

INTO UNCHARTED TERRITORY

THAT HAS NEVER BEEN EXPOSED.

 

 

FINDING THE MEANING OF THE UNIVERSE PART 3

 

I AM THE SAVAGE

MEAT EATER

HUNTER.

I HUDDLE TOGETHER

WITH OTHERS

IN MASSES-

OCCUPY TERRITORY.

I LOVE HOPING FOR THINGS-

PURSUING DREAMS-

CREATING SOMETHING.

SOME IDEA

WHERE BEFORE

THERE WAS NOTHING.

I LOVE THE DAILY PROCESSION.

WAKING UP-

TAKING A SHOWER-

WASHING MY BODY

AND MY HAIR-

CLEANING MY EARS

DELICATELY

WITH A Q TIP-

DRYING MYSELF OFF-

DRESSING-

SHAVING IN THE CAR-

FEELING THE FIRST BREEZE

OF MORNING.

I LOVE IT

COLD AND HOT-

FREEZING AND SWEATING.

I LOVE THE NEXT EVENT.

THE NEXT MOMENT.

WHERE WILL I EAT?

WHAT WILL I EAT?

WILL I COOK AT HOME?

WHAT NEW EXPERIENCE

WILL HAPPEN TO ME?

I WANT IT

FOR ALL TIME.

BUT I KNOW IT

CANNOT BE.

THAT I WILL CEASE.

IT MAKES ME SAD.

IN THE CAVERN

OF MY STOMACH.

IT IS MORE HURTFUL

THAN I CAN BARE.

IN THE PIT OF MY BEING-

THAT ONE DAY

I WILL BE NO MORE.

WHATEVER I BECOME

I WILL NOT BE

WHAT I AM NOW.

I LIKE WHAT

I AM NOW.

I WILL MISS THE SMELLS

AND TASTE

OF THIS EARTHLY REALM.

I WILL MISS THE SADNESS-

THE SMELL OF YOUR BODY-

YOUR MOISTNESS

WHEN YOU WANT ME.

EVEN THOUGH

I DO NOT KNOW

WHO YOU ARE

OR IF YOU ARE.

YOU ARE THE ONE

I HAVE ALWAYS

FANATICIZED ABOUT.

I WILL MISS

THE LITTLE OVER COMINGS-

THE TINY TRIUMPHS.

THE TRYING

TO DO AND BE BETTER.

WHEN I TRANSFORM-

WHEN I CHANGE-

WILL I EVER

KNOW THAT I WAS HERE?

THAT I WROTE THIS NOTE

UPON THIS PAPER?

TO LOVERS EVERY WHERE

AND TO PEOPLE

WHO ARE SOLITARY

SOLOIST

IN SOME GRAND

ELOQUENT ORCHESTRA.

WILL EVERY

TRACE OF ME

VANISH FOREVER?

WILL A LITTLE REMAIN?

SOMEWHERE IN THE FACE

OF SOMEONE’S LIFE

THAT I HAVE TOUCHED-

MADE QUIVER

UNDERNEATH THE COVERS?

WILL I BE THE ICICLE

UPON THE ROOF

OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM WINDOW?

DOES IT ALL MATTER?

DOES EVERYTHING MERGE?

DOES EVERYTHING

BECOME EVERYTHING?

DO WE CRISSCROSS

IN THE UNIVERSE?

DO WE ALL

INTERSECT

EACH OTHER?

ARE WE ALL PARTS

OF ONE PULSATION-

DEAD OR ALIVE?

ONE REALITY.

THAT KNOWS NO DIFFERENCE?

ONLY ITS OWN VASTNESS.

THAT DOES NOT KNOW SORROW

OR INTENSE PAIN.

THAT ONLY KNOWS BLISS.

WILL IT BE BORING?

WILL THERE BE

NO MORE TEARS?

THE PLANES FLY

IN AND OUT

LIKE THE DEPARTING SOUL

LEAVING THIS EARTH

FOR SOMEWHERE ELSE.

LIKE ARRIVING HELPLESS BABIES.

GOD IT IS AWESOME.

JUST THE RUSH OF IT.

THE THRILL

AND EXCITEMENT

MAKES MY BLOOD

BOIL AND RACE.

THE JOURNEY OF MY SOUL

OF ALL SOULS.

IS THIS JUST

THE TRAIN STATION?

THE AIRPORT?

THE SPACE LAUNCHING

BETWEEN

TWO DESTINATIONS.

IS THIS THING

WE CALL LIFE

A PLACE TO TRANSFER

TO OUR NEXT WHATEVER?

PERHAPS IT IS NOT EVEN A STOP

BUT A STAND

ON THE SIDE

OF A GALACTIC ROAD-

A DRIVE THROUGH

FAST LIFE COURSE.

WHERE ONLY A GLIMPSE

OF THE GLORY

EVEN REACHES OUT.

WE COULD NOT TAKE MUCH MORE.

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE STAGGERING.

LIFE BOUNDLESS-

EVERY WHERE

THROUGHOUT

ALL GALAXIES AND UNIVERSES

WITHIN US

AND WITHOUT-

NEVER ENDING-

NEVER ARRIVING-

NEVER BEGINNING.

QUEST TO QUEST.

SEAPORT OF THE SOUL.

WATER AND AIR

DANCE TOGETHER

UNITE

TURN INTO A FIRE.

AM I JUST

A TRIBUTARY

IN A RIVER?

A POND IN A FIELD

THAT IS SO

INFINITESIMAL-

YET SOMEHOW IT FITS-

IF IT DOES NOT EXIST-

ALL FALLS INTO PIECES-

SHATTERS LIKE

A BROKEN CHINA CUP.

THERE ARE SWEETS

BEYOND THE PALATE

OF THESE LIMITED

TASTE BUDS.

EXCITEMENTS BEYOND

THE BODY WANTING TO MERGE

OUT OF ITSELF

INTO ANOTHER.

I AM A BEGGAR.

WE ARE BEGGARS

AT THE SWAMP.

I MAY NOT

EVEN BE FACING THE LIGHT.

BUT I AM TURNING.

DO YOU SEE IT

WRITTEN ALL AROUND YOU-

ON EVERY STREET CORNER-

IN EVERY BLOCK

OF CEMENT-

WRITTEN IN EVERY

COLORED BLUE SKY POSSIBLE.

COLORED THROUGH THE AIR-

BREATHED INTO LUNGS-

THE BREATH OF LOVE

OF SPIRIT.

I HAVE SEEN NOTHING YET-

HEARD NOTHING-

DO NOT EVEN KNOW

WHAT BEAUTY IS.

THIS WHOLE LIFE

IS BUT A TEASE.

FOR THERE IS

SO MUCH MORE

THAT LIES UNDER

THESE FEELINGS

THAT I AM TRYING

TO EXPRESS TO YOU.

I WANT IT

TO EXPLODE OUT OF MY HEART

AND COME ALIVE IN YOU.

BECAUSE IT IS YOU.

IT IS EVERYONE’S RIGHT AND REALITY

TO LIVE THIS EPIPHANY.

THIS SWEETNESS

THAT DEFIES DESCRIPTION-

THAT CANNOT BE

PUT INTO A FORM

A SHAPE

A TANGIBILITY.

IT IS ETERNAL LIFE

THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE-

THE ALL-

TYPHOON-

EARTHQUAKE-

HURRICANE

GALACTIC SEIZURE AND STORM.

YOUR DEATH

WILL BECOME LIFE.

A FLOWER WILL GROW

IN YOUR HEART-

A TREE

WILL SPRING FORTH

THAT BLOOMS

ALL YEAR ROUND.

THAT PRODUCES A FRUIT

ONE IS NOT ABLE TO EXPLAIN.

ONE BITE-

A LITTLE ON THE TONGUE-

A TASTE OF WELLNESS-

WHERE NO LACK

OR DISEASE

NO MEDICINE

OR PAIN

CAN ENTER.

THE UNION

OF ALL UNIONS.

THE MERGING-

ALL THE FORCES

COLLIDING AT ONCE

TURNING INTO LOVE-

LOVINGNESS-

THE IDEA

WILL COME OT

THAT WILL STOP THE KILLING-

THE HATRED-

THE WAR-

THE FEELING OF SUPERIORITY.

ALL FIELDS WILL BE LEVELED.

ALL EVIL WILL

BE BROUGHT

TO ITS KNEES.

ITS HEAD WILL BE STUCK

INTO THE DIRT

UNTIL IT REALIZES

IT IS HELPLESS

AGAINST THE MASSIVE GOODNESS-

THIS LOVE KINDNESS

THAT IS ALL PERVASIVE-

THAT COVERS

EVERY POSSIBILITY

AND OCCURRENCE.

IT POUNDS INTO ME-

IT BEATS ME-

IT NAILS ME

TO THE WALL.

IT OVERTAKES ME

UNTIL I FEEL ITS GRACE-

UNTIL I REALIZE

THERE IS NO RESISTANCE

TO LOVE

OTHER THAN THE ONE

I PUT UP TO IT.

LOVE IS NEVER

IN THE WAY-

ONLY I

AM IN MY OWN WAY.

I KNOW THERE ARE ANGELS

WHIRLING THROUGH THE TREES-

WHISPERING

THE MEANING OF EXISTEtence

©Stephen John Kalinich

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Use me today
this moment
I can make a difference
right now

Let me speak out
against injustice
let me give a voice

to the voiceless
let me be hope

to the hopeless
let me restore

Resolve
revitalise
renew my spirit

Fill up my tank
with the fuel of love
let today be pure oxygen
exhilaration

let me move
out of the centre of my being
from love
let me still

the unsettled part of myself
the rage
all that is out of whack
within me
all that holds me back
is released
i walk
in uncontaminated freedom
I am an astronaut

of the corridors of space
that I am suspended within
i will replace violence

with tender kindness.
I will make love practical

In my daily experience
today I will relax
i will sail
in the lake

of quietude
the electric waters
will rise up
inside of me

I will dance
the universal heartbeat
i will try

to send out love
to all being everywhere
victory will be in sharing
not in individual achievement alone
victory will be sweet
that includes mankind
i will be a warrior of love
i will bring
to all the moist wet darkness
a purpose
i will see
that every soul has meaning

a place

a use
a transformation
I will detach myself
from pressure from stress
today I will believe
that all is possible
all is within my grasp
I will be led
by kindness
each new second
will reveal miracles
I will rejoice

in the good of others
it will be my own growth
my own blessing
i will be
in every atom of every soul

every leaf
of every tree
every drop of water
of every stream

your heartbeat will be in mine
your dreams and mine
will become our dream

your vision will be joined by mine
and we will become one today

and throughout the rest of my life
love

©2009

STEPHEN JOHN KALINICH

 

I have learned one thing
the last few years.
Pressure is not bad
in this modern world
one must learn to live with it
cultivate patience
because a person
must be able
to tolerate some frustration
and disappointment
to be prepared for life
without learning
how to reverse the every day strains
one will sink
one must rise
by a quiet waiting
knowing even
in the midst of uncertainty
an answer will come
and one must forge ahead
until sunshine gladden the heart
and
lightness
lifts our soul.

Look at what is in front of you.
Not what you desire
not what you want
but what spirit tells you to do
and take the steps
and I believe miracles will occur.
We can not wait to be happy
when
things change
we have to change inwardly
and we will see the evidence.

C.2010
Stephen John Kalinich

 

For`Aurora ,Dottie and Lisa K
at Elderberries
written September 26 at Elderberry while sipping Juice
Recited and improvised
Another magical night.

Each Word
is a door to be opened
that unlocks
another part of the mystery.
I hear the notes
of the teal blue wall
as music
rich tones of brass
a waterfall sound
gushes through me.
I sense
I am suspended in space
touching earth
feeling floors
all at the same time
a current rise up my calves
and thighs
brushes my genitals
with a soft warm caress
The chamber of my heart
sings
My lungs experience
the air moving through them
in effortless crescendos
swelling into
grand eloquent wonder
The whole Universe lights up
I am no longer afraid
I feel a peace
that passes all understanding
The beauty of life
breathes through
every pore
of my body
The sheer exhilaration
of existence triumphs
beats a drum
in my loneliness
A joy overtakes me
that is beyond
any human emotion
A sweetness
I have never known
brings me to celebration
Life says yes
from every corner
of the blackness
of the void
wipes away questions of meaning
I know
all is beauty
crying out in all things.

©2010
STEPHEN JOHN KALINICH

I loved last night so much. All the poets were awesome and all unique. Different inspirational sensual moving artists. One of the best evenings of music and poetry spoken word I have ever experienced. Michael Camacho, plays his voice like a saxophone and bring a vitality and power to his performance, he is an amazing force and Gary Pratt and his students are the best most incredible players I have ever heard. I was really moved and tugged by the evening so much. I will write more… Everyone should come to “The Jazz Poets Social Club” at Elderberries. It is one of the hottest scenes going and alive vital. The room comes alive. It sizzles and the owner Dottie Zold and people were working there the woman are sweet. It is a friendly place with a vibe conducive to art and poetry.The food is healthy vegan and incredible. Soon it will be so busy it will be hard to get into on these nights of sheer aliveness that Sunset Blvd. has not experienced in years. It reminds me of the day when The Doors played on Sunset in an improvisational kind of way. I love this club.

Michael C Ford was an absolutely brilliant performer recalling evoking inspiring one to think about Jazz.His voice is like velvet soothing and he has a powerful presence. Definitely a man of words to hear and a real treat.

Alexis Rhone Fancher
I never heard her read before she is passionate alive vital. Her sense of intimacy and physical perceptions is truly amazing and she is uninhibited. Her words come alive.
I want to hear her again and again and an energy comes to my body which these days is hard to reach.
and

L. K. Thayer
I can not say enough good about Lisa. She does every thing with a passion. She is a great host.
A wonderful poet who makes her poems sizzle . She is emotional relentless and once she grabs hold of you and once you sense her essence it is impossible to forget her. Someone else has to write about me. I can not write about myself… I love this new weekly event… all the forces are coming together in this cataclysmic celebration.

Stephen John Kalinich
L. K. Thayer writes…Stephen John Kalinich is a poet performer from head to toe who is mesmerizing, his words are hypnotic and like a snake charmer he takes you on a hypnotic sensory ride with heart, soul & passion like no other poet I have ever witnessed. Michael Camacho…is absolutely sensational, completely stunning jazz vocals, he brings his amazing acting chops to his music with no holds barred…he is riveting!
“The Jazz Poets Social Club” every Sunday evening at Elderberries in Hollywood.
Juice Bar Productions

With music as with life
one should not fear
going into the unknown
one should not be diminished
by anger
expressed towards them

or someone
opposed to ones idea.
One must go
for the difficult
not be afraid
of what is emotionally challenging
one must learn
even if one is not nice
or kind to you
you can learn.
One must build up a hide
of sorts
a resilience
to thrive and survive
in the creative world.
Many people
will let you down
but Grace will never do that.
We are all human.
Keep composing
being a creator
of art and music
and know
you are a sweet soul
and i love you.
Rise up and
greet the day.

© Stephen John Kalinich

always sadness
always pain
always possibility
out of these arise
the spirit and the will to triumph
over adversity and hardship
the courage to break the limitation
of ignorance
and lack
to bring to as many beings as one can
kindness
in human terms.
Only a few souls
know how to help us
in ways we need
most advise and words of reprimand
miss the mark.
Acts of kindness
help
in the long run
more than stern discipline

which will never let us
or teach us love
but can make us act
because we fear
which is a weak foundation
for lasting change
averaged out
over a lifetime
my lifetime
those who have helped me
the most to develop
are those who freed me
from dependence upon them
with a light refreshing touch
they never demanded credit
or called attention
to their own good deeds
but let an almost invisible imprint
on my soul and because
of these people
I ride the waves
of chaos
and hope emerges
out of darkness
and depravity
that opened me
up
changed me
allowed me to experience
lasting joy
not based upon
what i receive
but
just living
and giving from my highest
and best potential
to aid the disease
of the planet
and touch the world
with doingness
beyond words.

 

©.2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

Sometimes a butterfly will fall

Sadness descends and rises

in us

whenever we let our guard down

it comes creeping in

Original thinking is a myth

a deception

at best we can rearrange what is

and we call it creativity

it is just a reshuffling

in a new way

of what is

and man becomes vain

because he is a hustler

and a reshuffled idea

Moments pass

one dissolves into the next

and we move towards extinction

The alarm will ring

and we will not be there

to answer it

and thousands of years will pass

billions

and what was this one

that sat in front of

what was once a computer

and recorded these feeble thoughts

there is no glory in death

that is the mortal illusion

we do not want to face the fact

that this is our only shot

Easily emerging out of life is difficult

we cling so ungracefully to life

because part of us feels

this is a one act play

and our part

is almost finished

How terribly sad

to fall into the nothing numb

not even able to cry

tenderness evades us

we tremble

on the edge of the world

where the storms rage

and the waters rush.

Inspiration is dry today

it is a false hope thrown at us

a rope in the nothingness.

© 2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

Some great things have come out of UK
The Beatles,The Stones America USA.
STOMP is one of them and this includes

PANDEMONIUM

A tone poem
wordless
A sound sketch
of unique music
melody and intense rhythm
A palette
of Images and Colors
that keeps moving
engaging you
Drawing you in to its complete
captivating exuberance and life
with great feeling and
emotional urgency.
A celebration
of movement
that echoes
gets under your skin
with heart
and an underlying
pulse
that propels you forward i your h journey
through this world
of PANDEMONIUM.

STOMP PANDEMONIUM

Exhilarating
touching
provocative
funny
creativity
that is not pretentious
accessible
funny
entertaining
magical
reaches all people
all ages.
Inspiring.
Bursting with energy and life.
I was not feeling well
when i went to the Pandemonium
I walked out
able to soar fly
forgot about my
pains and aches.
I love the cast
the people
Luke is a kick
witty and and good natured.
I love the way
he moves across the stage
conducts
dances plays to the audience
he is a great performer.
His wife is as sweet a she can be.
Julia Walter
is on top of it.
Mike the sound man.The choir
Happy Birthday to Nick
Felix a real sweetie and a character.
Charlotte Steve Tom ,Peter
John the Hatchet.
The tall guy Steven Dean Davis with the moustache
was so engaging.(Charlotte please fill in the names for me and send it back)
all who
i know and
those I do not know
those i forgot to mention.
I so thoroughly enjoyed every second
what an experience.I will write more.
There is so much to say
Steve and Loretta
a bunch of great people
I had the great fortune to meet in Brighton.
You all truly have brought something
almost indescribable
to Los Angles and the World
and I wish you
could play here for months.
This is a show even I
The ADD child
could see it again
and again
and never leave my seat
except to clap.
I laughed so much.
The elements of Chaplin Harpo Marx
old movies
it is a very modern
thread
.STOMP
a must see for anyone who is alive
in fact
even the dead should see it
It might revive them.
Love and thank you all.
I still have more.
to say.
I f-ing
love Pandemonium.
Luke and Steve
and the entire cast and crew
It is one of the greatest performances
to hit Los Angles
in a long time
from my viewpoint and
and never wrong
humble opinion.
I can not wait for tonight.
I still owe you for the beer.
This rivals any Beach Boy
experience for me.
To get me interested
in anything or to go
out of my house
and leave my comfort zone
is like waking a corpse.
I will stop before i get committed.

 

Eternally
the moments that are no more
still live
echo throughout the World
sing the many songs of joy
life can be glorious
and we have lived the glory
in the experiences
we have shared already
walking the Downs
where blackberries ,
cows and sunshine
through mute skies
sing aloud every day
I am life
I am the downs
i am your heart find
yourself in me…
and every heart shall open
and every ear shall hear
one has come today
who talks about one
who comes alive within
the quickening spirit
the music Creator of all melodies
the eternal composer that
rules over
and through each soul ever born
everywhere
that holds the wind in her grasp
whose touch is all encompassing.

©.2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

Inspiration is your practice
tenderness is your path
sorrow is your teacher
sweetness is your celebration
attention is your awareness
that everything is now
limitations fall like leaves from a tree
lifted by winds of change
wonder is the daily walk
the earth is a living thing
we are breathing spirits bodies emotions minds
You are the key to you
Look there where you are no need to cross the galaxies
except to bask in colors
all colors yellows green shades of reds blues purples..
surrounded by love and a spiders web of white
golden light
A bay was born you are that baby gown up slightly
enter gently into the world
let no man notice
your good deeds and presence
leave a ripple with your acts
that have no weight of you within it..
each epiphany is a mere echo
of the beauty we faintly discern
all is a miracle
touch the invisible with you heart
fall into the petals of yellow roses and violet tulips
help all that reach out to you but do not do their work for them
point them to themselves
That is the way of the possible
willingly yield to letting go of false e attachments
and relationships that are damaging to you
do it with kindness..
in the heart there are no wall or boundaries
but in our relationship with others
we must give them their own space and being
That is the way with me and it is the way of everyone.
That is the pulse of the poet….
That lives in everyone every waking moment
Now is the Time
Life nothing but life
rising through the disappoint and the struggles.
Life

C.2008
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

 

The artist vision is unlimited
He can create
A new world
Where ideas flow and peace can prevail
Where all are included and in harmony.
His vision must become
A child
A woman.
His brush strokes must be broad
With infinite colors
He paints the darkness into light
The shapeless and formless
Into a breathing beauty.
Turns the chaos into order
Creates the new world.
We must not accept the walls that seem to be around us
they are of our own creation.
Every ending is a beginning.
The door is slammed in your face
You build a house
With no doors
You walk through the walls
You extract the treasure
You are of the light
Darkness
Is only
A membrane
That can be pierced through
Made of imaginary substance
It has no weight
Or depth
It is a cry
Within each of us
There is a veil.
T.S. Eliot
said my ending is my beginning
Showing the wasteland is only
the dark night of the soul.
We must let go of every perception
Of limitation
You are a rain dancer
Today I walked the hills of Malibu
On a new trail off of PCH
It is March
The wild flowers are not yet in Bloom
The rabbits dance the dirt path
Winding upward
Mustard seed
Faces the side
Of the path that is closest
To the Ocean
One can breathe a real breath
The surf pounds behind
Us and below
Sail boats
Are barely visible
Through misty skies
All of life screams
Now
Now
Now is the time to laugh
Now is the time to rejoice
Now is the time to begin eternity
It starts this side of the mysterious
The wind settles
Upon my skin
Telling me
The heart knows
What the mind
Cannot grasp.
More joy everyday
Is needed
To be silly is serious business
Rolling in the tall grass
Being
Not thinking of saving the world
But immersed in symphonic ballet
Of a transitory
Procession
We are creating as we go
We are only a beginning
A continuous eternal .
We must so position ourselves
As to receive the never ending bliss.
Like raiders of the lost arc
when THE LIGHT COMES IN AT EXACTLY
the CATACLYSMIC exact SECOND
Light breaks through
What your limited self
Cannot do for itself
Is done through you by Grace.
The pain subsides
Fresh hope appears
You are on your way
Doubts dissolve and fade
You are within the equation
An essential
Vital ray within the Rainbow.
Your present inspiration
is only a foretaste
Of the Possible.

This poem
is the poem
you can never put it down
now that you are into it
it will never leave you
there is no resistance
it is actualized and you can not
halt its motion
asleep
or awake
dead or alive
it keeps writing itself
spoken
unspoken
This poem
is the poem
before sound
after
the end
of things
this poem contain al possibilities
all dimensions
universes
This is the poem
SJK

Train to train
like jealous lovers in the rain
They bow and kiss
and greet the darkened sky
Grey blue
soon dissolve
leave remnants
of their tears
nestled in the morning dew
of crimson greens and golden hue
In everything they live…
in everyone they die…
Ten are born anew…
without a cry
silently
until the seeds burst… for can anyone or anything
ever fill the thirst
but Love?..
Can anyone taste grace
or just feel feel its touch
invisible
upon your skin…
that leaves you refreshed…
to face the day or foe again…
A plane is nothing but a train that flies…
and you may gain speed
but you miss all the beauty
Trains were made for everyone
even though in olden days
mostly elites…
Through the windows of a train
you can feel my heart beat…

Silhouettes of maple leaves
shine on a velvet green lawn
moving over me like the never ending
hand of grace
dark clouds foreboding in the sky
trickles of rain
I feel a chill
even in my yellow soft cashmere v-neck sweater
my layers of clothes grey green red gold
warm my skin
but my ears are still cold…

I greet this blissful morning
face the unknown of my life
A swell of wetness brushes across me
A violet pansy erupts UN noticed
its splendor decorates the
wave of joy that sweeps me into bliss
the beauty of the landscape beckons me
yearns to be acknowledged

You are woven of the grace of Galaxies
created out of tenderness… inspiration
and settle in a calm sea of solitude.
Today your lesson is the view
through the train window on
The Watercress Line
a standard-gauge heritage steam railway…
running over ten miles of steeply-graded scenic track
in mid-Hampshire, England.
brushing Ropley… .Alton andArlesford…
from a tea shop across the street from Jane Austen’s
house… I commune with the land…
I walk Jane’s gardens and she is not in
but her spirit is there…
As the gardener puts out some food to feed the birds…
Jane Austen ….Wow and I stood a few days ago in the room Kipling wrote If within and I am jazzed… invigorated
Thank you God bless…

I look at the world through the window of a train…
A Steam train…
God it is gorgeous…
Soft winds blow green leaves on gnarled twisted branches
in a September serenade…
I see
An oak tree in a freshly cut field where my friend Roy eats lunch
when he is
Clearing the embankment…
the countryside opens up…
Sings its melodies in carpets of colors
Even the clouds and dark skies dance
in the celestial light
move in and out of shadows…
Hampshire is wild with grass
The engines are big and shiny in the shed…
I read a poem my friend’s mother wrote when she was 12
about her dog
and it touched me…
Poetry is everywhere in the air
In this living painting.
smells of the garden
flowers and plants
an old tulip tree is fighting for survival
towering over me…
Through the windows of train.
The cows straddle the wire fence and stick their heads through
unruffled by all the fuss The sheep so sweetly still
in the gentle falling rain
magnificent through the window of a train

© Stephen John Kalinich 2008

This poem was originally featured in:

The Heritage Railway magazine issue 116 in 2008

 

is relative to each being

for one it is fast

another slow

and  at different times different.

I think a belief

that is all encompassing

is not correct

but may have partial truth within it.

It may even be true

a lot of the time

but I do not believe

in a general rule.

Those are the ideas

so called experts pass off

this is true

and I am the authority they say.

One must find ones own way

and be ready

to leave a leader

when you think they are false or wrong

or uttering half truths.

Even though  some of what they say is true.

Eventually you need to find your own voice

and the greatest writers poets and artists

to me

tell you this.

Eat your own meals

experience your own life

find your own authenticity.

Listen for one

who points the way to you.

I feel the same way

about an change.

I believe in individual change

and I am somewhat skeptical

of mass change

it feels most of the time

like a trend

and then a few years later

something else takes its place.

Embrace the new

but keep asking questions,

Search for truth

and not generalities.

Love

Stevie

©2011

Stephen John Kalinch

All Rights Reserved

 

Today is a new day

And you can dance again

eternity touches this moment

with tiny fingers

nothing but kindness

lasts

the day is far spent

but it is not over

hope rearranges time

into the width of the now

The now opens wide

One can hear the angels singing

How is life possible?

Is it not the greatest miracle?

a victory

Life triumphs.

i rejoice with you

my sweet friend

life is sweet

The scent of

orange blossoms

leaves its aroma

inside of me

for just this second

I know all things

we have lived

before

we are naked

and a presence

feels our every mood

and sensitivity –

we throw away

our old Pajama’s

and wear a new gown

December has so quickly

become April

The days are falling fast

The only thrill

is now

We need not hurry

look at all the flowers

every variety

touching our eyes

believe in healing

In patience is the quest realized

it is right here

where we are…

In this beat between moments

joy uncovers

and cleanses

the stagnant air

and refreshes us

Release the constraints and confinement

We feel are holding us back

grace has save us

light ascends

rises up out of inner gifts

we sometimes take for granted

The first day of spring

just a few days ago

You are not alone

the intimate wind

Kisses your lips

caresses your body

your trembling breast

that once felt fear

again feel the life and vitality

swimming in your bloodstream

Make the most of each year!!

Celebrate each day.

Whisper to yourself

 

© 2010

Stephen John Kalinich

 

 

 

 

I tumbled out of the sky
and still
i was inside of you
i exploded
in the galaxies

and you were there
always larger
than my problem
you wrote the melody
within my being
you grafted yourself
to every vein
you transformed
every joint and cell

you soothed the soreness
of my aching soul
Miraculous self
that i can never run

away from
majestic Trumpeter
of the heavens

your horn
played in me
before conception
there is
no time
that you are not
when I sleep
you comfort me
when i wake up
you are my eyes
and breath
and weave me
out
of your self
with an invisible thread
out

of a celestial
pragmatic fabric
you are every note

Every combination
of colours
you are the before
and the after

I feel you in my fingers
in my toes
you put
your indelible stamp
in every sunset

you flow through
every river
you are my undisclosed
possible spirit
you are beyond
all my Tribulations
you are the peace
of the world
you can not be eradicated
destroyed
when they think
you dissolve
when you vanish before

the eyes of the universe
you merely

change forms

you cannot be reduced

or diminished

you issue

out of love

you remain in love
you are ever lasting
active living peace.

© .2010
Stephen John Kalinich
All Rights Reserved

 

I am not a finished work
I am becoming
all will be known
yesterday is gone
we are living …..
You are a marvel
Always know
someone loves you
that you do not see
closer than your flesh to you
Just when sorrow
wants you to surrender
own your life
Follow
the road in front of you
Stay at the wheel
The pavement will be smooth again
and you will have tools
to deal with the new situations
that arise
A dream has come alive
You have been daring
through the disturbances
of your soul
Help is on the way
…the arrow points West
As you rest in the green fields
far from home
From Irish shores and storms
and I’m looking into your heart
forever is one moment
at a time
what we encounter and survive
reveal our path
what we make out of the chaos
is up to us
and as you said
Where there is a will
there is a way
and i found the way
we’ll walk that way today
the way that you have found
There will be snows but bundle up
for one watches over you
each step of your journey
invisible hidden in the grass
in the snow
all around you
and within you
the source of all harmony
and music
for what is music
but the song of life expressing itself
through us
The longing of the heart
for comfort and peace
From Detroit to Los Angeles
From Brighton to the battlefields of Somme
You are one might warrior my friend.

©2010
Stephen John Kalinich

 

When the word gets you

its get you good.

That is what I would say

about Waiting for Jack.

I thank Michael Ford for bringing me on board.

What a grand eloquent experience

These poets kick ass and so do we

Lets carry on the journey the fight

and give the slam poets

a run for the money.

No show

no rolling Stones

No Beatles

No Van Morrison

nor MIchael Jackson

could ever top the inspiration

of

the last three nights .

John Densmore was wonderful

as Gary Snyder.

Maybe one of the best times in my life at

a reading ever.

Inspiration it kicked  it soared.

What an honour to be part of this incredible cast.

Add the names I forgot.

Thank you thank you for making me Micheline

I am so inspired I am already

inspired

but my inspiration was inspired ha ha

Continue the journey.

About Jack below more.

 

“wind concerto

sunlight symphony

blade of grass

ballad of the trees

memories of Mozart

symphony of winter

a chill runs through me

like a Cello

that plays

on my heart strings

the whole earth

comes alive

with emotions”

© 2013 sjkalinich